I have saved this story all week...
...let me preface this personal experience that I am about to share with you by saying, if you ever doubt...if you ever question or if you simply struggle with your faith...this story should prove to you that God
IS around us all the time, God
IS listening and God
DOES answer prayer...
...do I have your attention?
...About six weeks ago I had a dream...let me rephrase that...about six weeks ago I had a nightmare. Four nights following the first night that I had the nightmare, I had the same nightmare...
...Then it became a fear. A fear of the nightmare reoccurring in my sleep...
...and so, I didn't sleep. That was my answer, my best defense...just. don't. sleep.
Weeks had passed, several nights that I would lay awake, the television muted as to not wake my husband who slept beside me. I watched infomercials late into the night, imagining what the hosts were saying as I read their lips...
...each morning I began a new day, more exhausted than the previous day. The lack of sleep was wearing on my ability to function.
The nightmare: it is Christmas, or at least the "holiday" season...my family and I are attending a celebration at my parent's home, only in my sleep it isn't the home my parents live in now...it is a combination of my parent's old home and their new home. My family and I sit with my parents, my sisters, my sister-in-love and my niece and nephew...everyone is smiling, opening gifts, sharing their new treasures....and the door opens, and my brother walks through the threshold. As I drift deeper into my unconscious thoughts, I see my brother, healthy, beautiful and strong...we are all thrilled to see Cal, but we also realize that he can't stay...however Cal doesn't know that he can't stay, he doesn't know that he has passed. Wanting time to be still, to hold onto the moment, I quickly realize that as long as we are celebrating the holidays, my brother
can stay. In the nightmare I am adamant about continuing the celebration...I begin planning, organizing, encouraging everyone in attendance to keep celebrating...I'm using all my energy, all my health to keep the party going...to keep my brother with us, safe within our reach. But I become weak...I begin to fatigue...and I cannot prolong the festivities, and my brother disappears.
I wake in a cold sweat and I am weeping....
And I become fearful of closing my eyes.
After several weeks of restless nights, I finally had a breakdown this past Sunday evening. As my husband was resting in our bed and I had just slipped on my nightgown, I crawled under the covers and I began to sob..."I. am. so. tired." My husband caressed my back and suggested that I call the family doctor in the morning and inquire about a sleep aid, "explain to him what's going on...he might have a suggestion or at the very least he can prescribe something to help you relax."
That night I sank deep into the mattress and I pleaded with God, "please God, give me peace...help me...", it was my desperate request.
Morning appeared and my mundane routine started over. As I hustled the boys out the door for school I grabbed my cell phone and turned it on...I was instantly notified that I had a voicemail waiting. I looked at my phone, "Jackie Hodson, Voicemail", the message lit up the screen. I looked at myself in the rear view mirror, "Jackie Hodson? Why is Jackie Hodson calling me?"...it wasn't disappointment, but certainly curiosity. Jackie is a young lady that I attend church with. My family and Jackie's family participated in small group together over the summer. I would call Jackie a friend, but we don't talk on a regular basis...in fact, it had been a few weeks since I had seen Jackie...
...nevertheless, Jackie's message was waiting for me. I retrieved Jackie's voicemail and put the phone to my ear:
"Hi Betsy, this is Jackie Hodson. This may sound strange and maybe a bit awkward, but I'm calling you because I feel that God is telling me that I should pray for you. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to be praying about, I just know that I'm supposed to pray for you. If you would like to call me or text me or even email me and share with me if there is something specific I should pray for, or if this is too awkward or strange for you, I totally understand...just know that I'm praying for you."
......
(As I sit here typing this, sharing this experience with you, I am still in awe. I am still touched. I still cry....)
I sat in my car, I don't know how long I sat there...holding my phone in my hand, staring at Jackie's name recorded on the screen. I played the message again, and I listened. When the message was over, I played it again, and I listened again. And I wept.
...God had heard my desperate cry just hours before...and He called upon a follower, a friend of mine...someone He knows that I admire, that I adore, that I love...someone that I would hear and know that He was speaking through her.....
I ended up reaching out to Jackie later that morning, and she prayed for me, a beautiful and perfect prayer. I printed out her words and I folded them up and placed them next to my heart, I read her words several times throughout the day...
That night, I slept. I slept hard. I slept peacefully....
...and each morning since, I have risen feeling very rested....
...peaceful.
