Monday, December 14, 2009

I Am Not Ashamed...

I wrote this post yesterday after church...and then I decided not to post it...I was reading over my words making sure everything was spelled correctly and I thought to myself, "goodness...I sound like a complete looser before being saved..."  Thoughts of "what will people think of me?" and "do people know that I was a wild child in my past?" or "will my new friends still love me now that they know how I was before?" It was difficult for me to read what I had written and accept it...there it was...the truth. 

And then this afternoon I ran into an old friend whom I haven't seen in years.  She said she has kept up with me through my blog, stumbling across it from a link I posted on my facebook page.  She said, "I'm so proud of you and what you have become.  Don't be ashamed of your past, it has made you who you are today."

I agree.  I needed to be a wild child to become "wild" about Jesus!  And so...I'm posting my words from yesterday, written from my heart...


After church this morning our "connections" class was discussing the sermon we had just listened to and the topic of "change" surfaced in our conversation. The question was posed, "can people change?"  Several people among us offered their insight...I waited patiently...and then I spoke...

"I was thirty five years old when I decided to change.  It took me thirty five years of bad decisions, awful mistakes, the heavy weight of sin, one divorce and an almost second failed marriage before I decided that how I was living was getting me nowhere, quickly."

My husband was asked how he was effected by my accepting Christ and becoming saved...

"Our marriage is stronger...I feel like I have a partner...we are not just cohabiting."  I felt the sting of pain in my heart...

I added to his response, "our children are better because of my change."  I felt the tears begin to form as I recalled a moment with my son Jackson...just the two of us in the car on our way home from a trip to the grocery store.  Spirit FM set the dial on the radio and my son softly spoke to me, "mommy, I like our family now.  I like you better this way...I like our church and the music we listen to.  I like that you and daddy are together."  I pulled to the side of the road, overwhelmed with guilt and grief as I experienced for the first time what my former life looked like to my own children...

Can people change? 

The better question is, can Jesus change people?  Can faith change lives? 

Absolutely.

I am experiencing real life change every single day because I accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. 

Is it easy?  No.  Not just no...but....NO!  It's hard.  It's painful.  It's humbling.  And often I fall...

But because Christ died on the Cross for my sins, I am able to pick myself up and begin again....

2 comments:

  1. I am so proud to have you as my friend. I love you Betsy!

    ReplyDelete