...especially those of you who sat next to me, in front of me, behind me...pretty much within a twenty foot radius of me....
....I'm sorry I was so snotty...
I BAWLED through the entire service...approximately five minutes into the candle light service, I turned to my friend sitting behind me and asked for Kleenex (I didn't come prepared because I was CERTAIN that I was going to be strong and make it through the service without crying)....
I used all but maybe two or three tissues in the package of Kleenex that I was handed.
So, to reclaim my sanity (or at least pretend I had sanity to begin with) I would like to explain my snottiness...
I lost my brother on July 29th, his death was very unexpected and it rocked my family's world. Most of you know that already...
...Naturally I knew that the holidays were going to be difficult, my brother has been gone for only five months...his untimely death is still very new to all of us that loved him deeply.
BUT...I have been really working hard on being strong...holding myself together for my mother, my sister-in-love, my two sisters, my own children...
...so I wake up each morning and I say to myself, "you can choose what sort of day it will be...will it be a day to cry and mourn or will it be a day to smile and remember...to live like Cal would want you to live?" I choose to smile and remember...it's exactly how my brother would want me to be...
...however, I am human...and although I choose to be strong, I often cry in sadness because my heart aches to hear my brother's laugh just one more time, or to see his smile, or simply to hear his voice....
....(okay, here comes the explanation as to why I was uncontrollably crying at the Christmas Eve service)....
When my brother and I were younger we LOVED Saturday Night Live (of course back then it really was funny)! We loved "land shark", "Samurai Futaba", "The Blues Brothers", "The Coneheads" and "Roseanne Rosannadanna". But our ABSOLUTE FAVORITE was Chevy Chase...we LOVED ALL of the Chevy Chase skits....
One year for Christmas, Cal and I got the VHS tape of "The Very Best Of Chevy Chase"...we must have watched that video tape a million and one times! (Both my brother and me have very distinct, loud, contagious laughs...I can actually hear his as I type this....)
One of the skits that we would watch over and over because we thought it was hysterical, was the skit where Chevy Chase plays a Catholic priest and he is standing at an alter and he is performing communion...
**before I continue, I would like to ask our good Lord above for forgiveness...but I'm thinking He might see the humor in this as well....I hope....keep in mind, it's all just good fun.....I really know better....**
....as Chevy Chase takes the bread and breaks it he begins to say the traditional scripture, Matthew 26:26 "While they were eating, Jesus took bread, gave thanks and broke it, and gave it to his disciples, saying, "Take and eat; this is my body."....
....only this is what Chevy Chase said, "......take and eat; this is my body....how do you like it?" (I'm giggling even as I sit here and type...it's JUST. SO. FUNNY.)
...alright, if you are not laughing...then you HAVE to google it or rent the DVD...I promise you, it is HI-LARIOUS!
...but my story doesn't end there....
...after seeing that skit as many times as my brother and I did...it then became an "inside" joke among the two of us...so, each time we participated in communion at church, we would listen to the pastor break the bread and recite the scripture, "take and eat; this is my body"... and after EVERY TIME....my brother would turn to me and whisper, "how do you like it?" and we would giggle, usually followed with a light tap on the hand and a "no-no" scowl by our mother.
Soooooooooo......
sitting in the candle light service on Christmas Eve, I knew that communion was ahead of us and I realized that for the first time there wouldn't be my brother's whisper of our "inside" joke....
....and it made me miss him.
There it is...my explanation for snotting through the church service.
....Now next time you take communion, you might think of Chevy Chase...
...and for that, I am sorry! ;)
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