Friday, April 29, 2011

Royalty...

I thought that I didn't care....

...but then I found it FACINATING!


...and now I want to be a part of it all! 

I told you I was royalty!

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Saturday, April 23, 2011

Re-Post: "Quilted Blessings, "Sewing" Friendships..."

Originally posted on Thursday, March 25, 2010


Quilted Blessings, "Sewing" Friendships...

I believe that the Lord blesses me each and every day. Sometimes the Lord's blessings are huge and easy to spot and other times they are so small I may not even notice. Thankfully, whether I recognize those blessings or not they are there to protect me, to teach me, to encourage me, and to help me grow to be the individual that Jesus desires me to be.

Today the Lord blessed me in a BIG way.

No, I didn't win the lottery. No, I didn't win a brand new car, or an enormous home. Nobody offered to pay my bills. Oprah didn't chose me for an extreme makeover...

The Lord blessed me with an incredible friendship.

Today I met two friends for lunch. Becky, my girlfriend from church and life group (she was one of the individuals in my post yesterday) and Patti, my friend that I met in the world of blogging! Patti has a blog, Osage Bluff Quilter and she reached out to me last year and introduced herself and we ended up meeting for lunch at Arris Cafe, she even picked me up because at the time I didn't have a license due to a medical condition (epilepsy). Patti is the lady who gave me the gift of the railroad cross that her husband, the blacksmith, created for me!!

So, Becky, Patti and I met today for lunch at Arris Cafe (we love that place) and after an hour of awesome fellowship and delicious food, Patti pulled out two gifts...one for me and one for Becky!! (she met Becky through my blog and they have become friends as well...small and fantastic world, eh?)!

*As I'm typing this and thinking about what I'm about to share with you I have tears...

Patti is a quilter (she's actually EXTREMLY talented in ALL areas of life) and she hand pieced this for ME:



Breathtaking, isn't it? Incredible. Inspiring. Humbling. Beautiful. I look at this and I am reminded that my salvation is what Christ did for me on the Cross. Everything is right there, in a hand pieced work of art by a beautiful friend...it exhibits my struggles and His solution, my brokenness and His love for me in spite of it, my shameful past and my glorious future.

Patti, God blessed me in a BIG way in "sewing" a magnificent friendship between two bloggers. ;) Thank you, Thank you , THANK YOU!

Saturday, April 16, 2011

Just Like Death...

My family and I just returned from the most amazing and wonderful vacation in Washington DC...

...I have several "DC Vacation" posts, but today I am using my blog as an outlet...

I have so much anger, confusion and pain inside...building over the years but most recently pierced with the sharp reality of "it isn't going to change...ever"....

Last Sunday, my husband and my children and I flew out to Washington DC for our very first family vacation! It was an entire week full of "firsts"...first time my boys have flown on a plane, first time my boys have been to another state, first time for all of us to see and experience all the history within our US Capitol!

...My mother's college roommate and dear, dear friend of our family, along with her husband invited us for the week to stay in their home and tour DC. They provided tickets to every museum you can think of, along with a car for us to use while we were in the city...we spent the days together as a family and in the evenings we joined our friends for incredible dinners and more sight seeing! It was AMAZING!!!

...On Monday evening (the second night of our trip), my biological father was invited to our friend's home for a beautiful and lovely dinner! It was the first time I had seen my father since my brother passed away...

My parents divorced when I was seven and my brother was two. He left us for his secretary at the time, who shortly after became his wife. Unfortunately, when you are seven years old and your father is taken and begins a new family, the "new" wife doesn't typically start out on your "best friend" list...

...that being said, I do feel that over the years I have allowed every opportunity for a relationship between my step-mother and me, sadly, she never intended for my brother and me to be a part of her new life with our father and so there has always been resentment and anger between us. I've always felt that she was the separation between my father and me...my father and my brother. Countless vacations and business trips, a home in Florida, trips to far away places....my brother and I were never a part of their fascinating life.

My biological father is a business man...a very successful business man. Traveling all around the world, it seemed he was gone more than he was home...and when he was home and my brother and I were visiting, he seemed preoccupied with the next week's business.

Even though, my brother and I loved our father. All we ever wanted was his love, his acceptance of who we were...

...it's no secret that both my brother and I made many, many mistakes in our lives....often causing embarrassment for our parents....

...having said that, our mother and our step-father never, ever gave up on us. Of course there was disappointment, but their love was unconditional...

...I guess I could say that our father always kept in contact with me (but if I'm to be honest, I really only heard from my dad when I would call), but the last seven years of my brother's life he didn't hear from our father at all....up until the last year, with a few sporadic calls. In fact, my brother's death was the first time our father had ever met his grandson (Cal's son), who was over a year and a half....

Our father moved to Washington DC roughly eight years ago...not once have my brother and I, along with our families, ever been invited out to visit. In the eight years he has lived in DC, I've seen my father a total of four times, one of them being my brother's funeral.

My children (my father's grandchildren) don't understand the relationship...they know my father as "Cam"...not as "grandpa". In fact, my youngest son refers to his grandfather as "your father" when he asks me questions about who my father is....

....I say all of this to paint a clear picture to you of the sort of relationship my brother and I had with our biological father....a relationship  (or lack thereof) that completely confused and angered my brother, robbing him of his self confidence and self worth...

...fortunately, after many years of repeated mistakes, I found the love of my life....my husband. Mark has shown me, and continues to show me, what real love is...therefore, I feel like I was able to escape a lot of the head games that come along with having a selfish father...although, I'm not completely free of the pain.

After my brother's funeral my father wrote me an email (and later sent a letter) saying that he did not wish to pursue a relationship with me or my boys any further. He was upset because at my brother's funeral, his name (my father's) was not mentioned in the service....

...the thing is, my father never introduced himself to the pastor...and the pastor only knew of our step-father, the man that has never once made us to feel like we were not his...the man who raised us since I was nine and my brother was four...the man who taught us unconditional love...

But for some reason, my biological father blamed me. He believes that I "planned" my brother's funeral so that his name would not be mentioned....sad? Completely. To begin...I didn't "plan" anything for my brother's funeral. Secondly...it wasn't about our father....it was my brother's day....a day I feel like he never got to have....he didn't have a wedding, he didn't have a graduation day....sadly, his day came due to his death....

On Monday evening, my father showed up for dinner....truthfully, I was a nervous wreck and somewhat apprehensive as to how the evening would pan out. After All, there were still fresh wounds from harsh words that were spoken after the last time I saw my father.

...Our friends put together a delicious dinner of barbecue and appetizers, potato casserole, fresh asparagus, and S'mores for dessert! The evening was gorgeous...we sat out on the patio, next to the pool...

...my father was with us for approximately two and a half hours....two and a half hours of conversation about my father. He didn't engage with my children, he didn't speak to my husband, he barely asked me about the happenings in my life....

....it was all about him.

And then he left.

Afterwards, as I sat in the guest room with my husband I realized that I don't know my father. Over the years I have felt that I knew bits and pieces of who he might be...but in that moment I discovered I don't know anything about him....

Honestly, I was okay with that. I don't really have a choice....

...unfortunately, the next few days would bring more pain and confusion...

I'm not sure if my step-mother and my biological father are jealous of the relationship that I have with my brother's wife and his children...or maybe they feel guilt for the years lost and now not gainable...but for whatever reason, my sister-in-love was called and told hurtful lies by my step-mother and my father.

I won't go into what was said to my sister-in-love....it doesn't matter what was told to her...what matters is that she was lied to...and in turn, she was hurt....and is still hurting.

Sadly, my sister-in-love is just now experiencing the hurt and the pain from my father and step-mother. It is easy to fall for their traps...they are quite convincing and have the money to "buy" love and admiration...I fell for it for years....

...and now I see. And I feel...

Last night my husband reminded me that I have to give all of this to God...for He knows the truth. Mark reminded me that my Heavenly Father has loved me since day one...never forsaking me, never leaving me....it's His love that I need to focus on....His love that I need to feel.

And so....I'm letting go....I'm letting all of it go....

....I'm handing it over to my Heavenly Father.

...as a very wise friends just recently said to me...."he's been living rent free in your head for long enough...it's time to move him out."

It's just like a death....
....another someone that I loved....that I cared for....a part of me....I, a part of him....
and I've got to let him go....

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Living Like Nobody Else...

I'll begin by stating that I ADORE my hottie hubby!

Hottie Hubby is the ULTIMATE gift giver! Truly...he ALWAYS puts so much thought into my gifts. In the thirteen years we have been together, I can't remember a time that I wasn't served breakfast in bed on my birthday...with heart shaped pancakes to boot!

...It's only natural (not selfish at all) that yesterday, on my 37th birthday I was a bit confused when the alarm went off and hottie hubby was snoozing in the bed next to me....

Ummmmmm, where is my breakfast in bed???

The thought occurred to me that typically I'm not a "morning" person, I'm the type that lays in the bed moaning and complaining about how tired I am for forty-five minutes...so hottie hubby probably expected the same morning "ritual" and was fully prepared to jump up with the alarm and assemble my breakfast in bed while I fussed....

....but the alarm had gone off....and hottie hubby was still snoring....

oooooohhhhhhhhhh, I get it...he wants me to shower first and while I'm showering he will put together my B&B and I'll be served while feeling all comfy and cozy in my pink fuzzy bathrobe, smelling of rose petals and vanilla...

....but when I got out of the shower....hottie hubby was STILL asleep....

Ummmmmmmmm....okay.....

*heavy sigh*

Suddenly I perked up....I get it! I bet there's a BIG surprise waiting for me upstairs!! Something like BK Bakery, fresh, hot muffins...or cinnamon coffee cake....ooooohhhhh, maybe even cannolis!!

I sprinted up the stairs and into the kitchen, still dark from the early morning but just enough illumination from the overhead stove light that I could see the silhouette of something GRAND on the kitchen table!! As I grew closer I could see a card and my excitement increased....

I placed the card to the side and quietly examined the treasure in front of me....

....Cadbury Chocolate Eggs....awesome, they are my favs!

.....Russell Stover Mint Chocolate squares....AMAZING, how did he ever find these?? I haven't had this indulgence in years!! He loves me SO much...he KNOWS they are my ABSOLUTE FAV....

....AND..........

....Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.........

..........huh?

........WHAT?.....

......Ummmmmm....what the????

......is this a??????

IS THIS A????

...............

...........TURKEY ROASTING PAN??????!!!!!!!!

I stood.......dumbfounded.

Silent.

There MUST be an explanation...I grabbed the card....I was sure the answer was inside....

....blah, blah, blah, blah....love you....blah, blah, blah, blah...make me happy....blah, blah, blah, blah....life wouldn't be anything without you....blah, blah, blah...

WHERE DOES IT EXPLAIN WHY THERE IS A TURKEY ROASTING PAN ON MY KITCHEN TABLE?!????

Calmly (who am I kidding...there was no calm) I entered the master bedroom...how convenient, hottie hubby was in the shower....I pulled back the shower curtain, exposing hottie hubby as he rinsed the shampoo from his hair...

Squinting with one eye opened he boasted, "HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABY!!"

Me: "Right...okay, let's just cut to the chase....ummmm....is that a turkey roasting pan upstairs?"

Hottie Hubby: (very excited) "YES!"

Me: "....okay. (deep breath) ...and is the turkey roasting pan my birthday gift?"

Hottie Hubby: (still excited) "Yeah, baby! You said you wanted one!"

Me: "ummmmmmmmmm, no.....no, I never said I wanted a turkey roasting pan for my birthday...."

Hottie Hubby: (excitement is dwindling a bit) "You said you wanted that 'Paula Dean' stuff from Target..."

Me: "Yes....yes, I did say I wanted the 'Paula Dean' stuff from Target...but that was for a 'hey, it's Wednesday and I really love and appreciate you' kind of gift....NOT a BIRTHDAY gift!!"

Hottie Hubby: "Well....it's a really nice roasting pan...."

I shut the shower curtain and walked away....mama always said "if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all".....

Honestly, at this point I was CERTAIN that it was a joke....I was POSITIVE that at some point in the day, River City Florist would show up at my office with a HUGE bouquet of pink tulips (they are my FAV!) and hottie hubby would drive up in his chariot (or Chevy Impala that I wrecked the day before) and sweep me off to my favorite restaurant for lunch....

.....I waited ALL day for the florist....

...he never came....

As I was driving home at the end of the day it all became clear to me....I was going to walk into our home and all of my family, friends....everyone that loves me would jump out and yell "SURPRISE" and my birthday would be saved!!

I braced myself for the level of enthusiasm that was surely about to unleash....

...but the boys were in the back yard playing with the neighborhood children...

.....and hottie hubby....

....hottie hubby was in our bedroom, laying on our bed...."resting his eyes"....

By now you should know that I'm a big baby....and you know what?....I don't care if you think I'm a big baby....I pouted....

yeah....you heard me....I stomped my feet, I slammed my things around....I huffed and I puffed and I acted like a five year old....

Hottie hubby opened his eyes...with a big smile he exclaimed, "there she is! There's our BIRTHDAY girl!!"

I rolled my eyes...

Hottie hubby got up and walked over to me with his arms outstretched....

....backing away I snapped (in a rather snotty way)..."whatever!"

Confused, hottie hubby stood, still offering open arms...."honey? what's the matter?"

It was almost comical....I mean, really?? Did he really not know what I was upset about??

Me: "seriously??? are you SERIOUS??? YOU GAVE ME A TURKEY ROASTER FOR MY BIRTHDAY?!?!????"

Hottie Hubby: "Baby....sweetheart....come here (wrapping me in his hottie arms)...princess, do you really not understand why I bought you a turkey roaster for your birthday?"

Me: (on the verge of tears) "no.....no, I really don't understand..."

....and then he said it....

the one phrase that explained it all....

Hottie Hubby: "Honey, we are living like nobody else, so we can LIVE like NOBODY ELSE...I bought you a practical and needed birthday gift. Dave Ramsey would totally approve...babe, we are so close to becoming debt free...okay, so this year I bought you a turkey roasting pan....but next year....maybe next year we will go on a cruise!.....do you understand?"

....and suddenly, my birthday became the BEST birthday I've EVER had!

Hottie hubby and I enrolled in Financial Peace University at the beginning of the year...working towards being debt free has brought us closer than ever! The communication and the "teamwork" has changed our marriage....

...it all made sense.

And I LOVE my new turkey roasting pan!

....I can't WAIT for hottie hubby to cook me a turkey!  ;)


Tuesday, April 5, 2011

When You Wish Upon 37 Birthday Candles...

Tomorrow is my 37th birthday...

...I can't wait to blow out my candles and make my wish(es)....

And by the way...I don't play around with my birthday wishes...and I certainly don't agree with the whole "don't tell anyone what your wish is or it won't come true" gig....

...I mean, if you don't tell anyone what your wish is, then how will it ever come true???

You know how your parents are the "Tooth Fairy", "Santa Claus", the "Easter Bunny"...(you do know that it's ALL your parents, right???)....well....they are also the "Birthday Wish Granter"....at least I think they are, I don't have confirmation on that....but they should be.....

Yeah...I announce my birthday wish(es) loudly....to everyone....because afterall, the more people that know what your birthday wish(es) are, the greater chance you have at your wish(es) coming true....

You know I'm right.

Always start your birthday wishes with "please"....it's just good manners:

  • Please let me win a million dollars with the lottery. Anything over a million would be cool too.
  • Please let Zac Efron show up at my doorstep with a dozen pink tulips and profess his undying love for me.
  • Please let someone pay me to blog.
  • Please let me wake up tomorrow morning with my high school body back and all my tight, sleazy clothing that came with it.

Now I just sit back and wait....

Monday, April 4, 2011

Crash Test Dummy...

....or "Hit And Run"

...another great blog post title could be "Oops I Did It Again"...(because this IS the second time I've done this)....

I'll stick with "Crash Test Dummy"...

Monday mornings...I've never really been a "I hate Mondays" kinda gal, but today....today I ABSOLUTELY HATE MONDAYS (at least this Monday)...

My alarm screamed at 6:00 am, I hit snooze and hottie husband (who is on a temporary "vacation") turned the alarm off after the extra fifteen minutes had passed...without waking me first.

...I opened my eyes, blinked a few times and turned to check the clock sitting on my nightstand....blurry eyed I read the digital bright red letters, 7:40...I squeezed my eyes shut and then opened them again, 7:40...I jolted upright and stretched my neck around to look once more....7:41...."WHAT?!?!?!!!" I screamed, looking over at hottie husband, peacefully snoozing under the quilt. "HEY! MARK!!!??? DID YOU TURN THE ALARM OFF???" .........zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz..........I shoved his shoulder, "HEY!!!" ......moaning, hottie husband rolled over and replied, "what? what did you say?"

I flailed my portion of the quilt up into the air, and jumped off the mattress. For spite I yanked the entire quilt off the bed, leaving hottie husband exposed in the cool air....

Frantically I turned on the shower and waited for the water to heat to a comfortable temperature. I washed, rinsed, repeated, scrubbed my body, ran a razor over my legs (OUCH! I nicked my shin), stepped out onto the fuzzy bathmat, threw on my bathrobe and wrapped my hair into a towel.

Hottie husband waltzed into the bathroom and hoarsely asked, "what's all the fuss about?" Steaming, I chose to ignore his silly question and I began to blow dry my hair. With little time for perfection, I swept on minimum makeup, brushed through my hair and threw on a pair of slacks and a sweater...

45 minutes....I was ready to walk out the door! That's a record...I usually require 1 1/2 - 2 hours!!

Now....let me set this up for you....(in my defense):

Hottie husband leaves our house at 6:40 EVERY morning to arrive at work by 7:00 am, not to mention that he has been gone (in Arizona) for the past 4 weeks, meaning that his car has not been in the driveway AT ALL....

....I was running late, I was talking on my cell phone (I know...that's a big "no-no", but I was returning a call) and...did I mention that I was running late...meaning I was flustered....

I climbed into the drivers seat, put the keys in the ignition, laughed at my friends comment on the other end of my cell phone, put the trailblazer in reverse and put my foot on the gas....

.....CRUNCH....

I slammed on the brake! Lunging forward I realized what had happened....

I HIT HOTTIE HUSBAND'S CAR!!!!!!!!

Panic set in....

I opened the door and stepped out onto the driveway, "okay, it's probably not that bad" (for me it's all about how I think)...walking towards Mark's car my eyes began to tear up....

....a new thought popped into my head...."CRAP! Okay...so, it's REALLY bad...."

I couldn't move for a moment....I stood frozen in the driveway....how was I going to tell hottie husband that I just crashed into his car......again.....(yes, this goes back to November of 2007 and I backed into Mark's car while I was leaving for work......hmmmmm....work....it seems to be the common denominator....maybe I should quit working.....maybe that's the moral of the stories here.....)

I couldn't do it....I couldn't make myself walk back into the house and tell hottie husband......

....so I did what any sane thirty-seven year old wife would do.....I jumped back into my car and got the heck out of there!!

Approximately thirty minutes later I was sitting at my desk at work (I know, right? The very thing that caused this whole mess) when my friend and co-worker Ashley came into my office and noticed my pale face and furrowed brow....asking me if everything was okay, I explained to Ashley the events of the morning, and how I had simply driven off in my car, leaving hottie husband's car, wrecked in the driveway.

Ashley offered advice...."ummmmmmm.....don't you think that you should call him and tell him? I mean, I'm no expert on relationships and marriage, but I'm pretty sure that this could ruin it all...."

Yeah....okay....she's probably correct....probably.....

I picked up the phone, drew in a deep breath and dialed my home number....

Hottie Husband: "Good morning sunshine!"

Me: "Ah, good, you're in a pleasant mood...you know, it's so good to hear your voice....have I told you lately how crazy I am about you....how much I love and adore you....how incredibly strong and dashingly handsome you are??"

Hottie Husband: "This doesn't sound good."

Me: "What?? What do you mean? What doesn't sound good? I do love  you....seriously. I love you so much....I love the way you love me....the way you make me feel beautiful....how happy you make me....how patient you are....patient...yes, that's a great quality....probably the quality that I admire most in you....you know...like when I do something really stupid or sort of....um....bad....and you always keep your calm....you understand...you are patient with me...."

Hottie Husband: "Okay Bets, what did you do?"

Me: "Well, pumpkin muffin....you know how YOU turned off the alarm this morning and it caused me to oversleep....making me late for work??......well....if YOU hadn't turned off the alarm then I wouldn't have been rushed....and if I wasn't rushed.....well....then I would have remembered that your car was behind mine in the driveway.....and I wouldn't have hit your car....."

~Crickets~

Me: "Lolipop?.....Sweetness?......Sugar booger?"

Hottie Husband: "Look, I do love you....but I'm going to hang up the phone now before I say something that I'll regret later...."

Click.

Later in the afternoon hottie husband took his car to Kemna Collision to get an estimate....

.....$1,200

On the up side.....two years ago when I hit hottie husband's car, Kemna Collision asked me to voice a radio commercial advertising their services....you can still hear that commercial today...I'm thinking that with this new "collision", Kemna will ask me to voice a second commercial....

...that's cool, right??



It's really not that bad, right??