Monday, November 30, 2009

All I Want For Christmas Are My Two Front...

Dear Santa,

You seem like a reasonable kind of guy, so I'm going to give it to you straight.  I'd like a new set of boobs, please. 

Now, I'm a somewhat grateful kind of gal (admittedly there are a few times where I've been selfish) and I really don't ask for much (please don't check that out, nobody likes a skeptic).  I realize that I should be happy with what I have, and truthfully, my ta-tas probably contributed in some way to landing hottie husband.  The size is not my's the gravity.  I need a lift, and I am convinced that you are just the person to leave me a nicely sized check made out to the best, experienced and local surgeon (if you can find a "McDreamy" that would be the icing on the cake)! 

All I'm asking for are a couple of nicely rounded out, lifted C cups that I can display proudly, with a hint of cleavage and I promise not to overexpose myself in inappropriate times because nobody likes a bragger either. 

Is this too much to ask?  Haven't I been an angel all year?  I am certain that I made the "nice" list this year.

Thank you Santa, I know you won't let me down (no pun intended).

Love, hugs and a "flash" for good measure,

Friday, November 27, 2009

Black Friday...Thank Goodness It's Only Once A Year

Nothing can compare to last year's bloody nose...yep, you read that correctly.  Last year, hottie husband and I stood in line at Walmart at 5 am for the almighty XBox 360 with Guitar Hero...and just as the Walmart representative blew his bull horn giving the "all go", I grabbed the XBox and felt a tug.  Standing on the other end was an elderly woman (okay, maybe elderly is the wrong description...she was maybe in her late 50's).  She gave me the evil eye..."Let go!"  My mouth dropped, "Excuse me?" I replied in my best "oh no you did-ent" accent (I even shook my head side to side).  "I said let go" she yelled.  I looked her in the eye and calmly replied, "I had it first, you let go."  And if I were watching a movie in slow motion, she pulled back her fist and popped me right in the nose!

Okay, I'm gonna be brutally honest here and admit that the first thought that went through my mind as I instinctively let go of the XBox was "W-T-F?"  (Look it up if you can't figure it out).

Here is where hottie husband becomes "hero" hottie husband...

Standing behind me, hottie husband reached around me (completely ignoring the fact that blood was gushing from my nose) and yanked (I do mean YANKED...have you seen hottie husband?) the XBox from the woman's hands...

"Run Forrest, Run!"......oh, wait....wrong story....

Anyway...I yelled at hottie husband..."Don't worry about me....RUN!!"  And he did...straight to the check out, paid and tucked the XBox safely in the back of our SUV.

End of story...2008

Begin 2009...

Date:  Thanksgiving night
Time:  10:00 pm
Location:  Lake of the Ozarks
Scene:  Upstairs bedroom of in-laws lake home
Characters:  Hottie Husband and Giggles (that's me)
Topic:  Black Friday

HH:  "Are we going shopping this year?"

G:  "I would like to, we still need to purchase gifts for the nieces and your parents"

HH:  "Honestly, I don't want to spend a lot of money, much less spend countless hours shopping store to store."

G:  "Fine. We set a monetary limit as well as a time limit."

HH:  "Agreed.  Let's say, no more than $200 and let's get it done in 3 the most."

G:  "Consider it done."


Fourteen hours later....(yep, that's 14) we walked in the house with approximately $650 worth of Christmas.

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Thanks Be To God...

"But thanks be to God, which giveth us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ." (1 Corinthians 15:57)

"What are you thankful for on this day of Thanksgiving?"  The question posed at the dinner table among family. 

Family.  Friends.  Food.  Job.  One by one we went around the table and gave thanks.  I went last...fifteen others before me...I was number sixteen.  I sat, silently.  All eyes were on me...and I bowed my head...

Of course I am thankful for my family, my friends, the delicious meal I enjoyed today, the beautiful weather, my job...blah, blah, blah, blah...

But there was something more...something bigger, greater...something money cannot buy, something that has changed me inside and out...I lifted my head and I looked at my family.  My eyes filled with tears...smiling, I replied:

"What I am most thankful for is the price paid for my redemption."

Dear Lord, thank you.  Thank you for the courage you give me everyday to continue to share my passion for you with others.  I am not ashamed to spread the are my Savior, my Redeemer, my King.  You bless me each and every day!  Thanks be to God!

Gluttony...Yep, It's A Sin...



Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Beauty Mark...

I started reading a new book today.  Don't ask me what the title of the book is or what it is about...

I only started reading it so I could use this...

I will tell you this...

...this is the best darn book I've ever read!

Monday, November 23, 2009

I'm In Love...

with the movie "The Blindside" (you thought I was talking about you, didn't you?  Yeah, you know who I'm talking to)  ;)

However...I cannot reveal my review of the movie before I talk about it on the radio, so tune in a week from Friday (um, hello, celebrities get holiday's too) to hear all about this FANTASTIC, MUST SEE movie.

I will say this...

My company was AWESOME and made the movie that more enjoyable!! ;)  Don't'll get to meet *him* when he tags along for the review!

Saturday, November 21, 2009

I Need A Savior...

Today I allowed myself to cry.  A day where I surrendered.  The weight of the world's burdens were left at my Fathers feet and I whispered to Him, "I can't do it anymore."

I surrender to the sadness I feel for the death of my grandparents, and how desperately I miss them.  I surrender to the heaviness of my health issues, and the fear that I've allowed.  I surrender to the daily struggles of marriage, knowing that it can be difficult and sometimes frustrating.  I surrender to the stress of having three boys, one of them a teenager.  I surrender to the constant worrying for my family, my brother and his low self esteem, my mother and her need to fix everything, my father and the illness that has turned his world upside down. 

I cried.  I laid on my bed and I wept.  My eyes stung with salty tears and I whispered to Him again, "I can't do it anymore."

And I heard Him.

"Trust in me.  I am here."

I surrendered.  I believed.  I wept no more.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Divine Nobodies...

A friend of mine shared a book with me, Divine Nobodies, by Jim Palmer.  I read the book once, today I picked it up from my nightstand and began reading again after sharing the title of the book with some new found friends earlier in the day.  The tag line on the front cover reads, "Shedding Religion to Find God (and the unlikely people who help you)".  The story is the authors, how he put a troubled childhood behind him and earned a Masters of Divinity degree, on his way to becoming a top Christian leader.  But a series of setbacks left him wondering where God was and he takes off on a journey, encountering ordinary, unlikely people that changed almost everything he thought he knew about God.  Each chapter is a "divine nobody" and I learned something new in every page!

Here is one of my favorite sentences from the book:

"You have to first find your heart if you ever expect it to beat with the pulse of God.  The Tin Man eventually found his.  I'm finding I have one too."

I think I love this book so much because it is much like my journey.  God placed "divine nobodies" in my path...

"Divine Nobodies" #1:  My friend that shared this book with me.  Her marriage is strong, her children are incredible, her faith is unfailing.  She is someone I can call for extra prayer support or guidance over something big.  She is the woman I hope I can someday become. 

"Divine Nobodies" #2:  The families that I work for.  Four families...each one strong and steadfast in their faith.  Each family is an example of what true Christians are.  Giving, kind, patient, understanding, they are truly amazing people.

"Divine Nobodies" #3:  A young man I met in a Chamber Leadership class.  He introduced himself to me on the first day and we were stuck with one another every session after.  He heard my cry for help.  He encouraged me to meet his mother, who is a part of one of those families I mentioned above.  God placed Jeff right smack dab in the middle of my path, forcing me to choose a better one.

None of these people are anything but ordinary people.  They lead ordinary lives, they work ordinary jobs.  And yet, all of these people have changed my life.  They opened my heart to Jesus. 

Do you have "divine nobodies" in your life?  Who are they?

Will I Make It?....

In less than 12 hours he will be on the big screen...

Will I be able to stay awake?  Lord, I hope so!

Oh Edward, I mean Robert, I mean Edward...I want to become a vampire...go ahead, bite me.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

That's Not What I Pictured...

Maersk Alabama was attacked by Somali pirates...again.

NAIROBI, Kenya (Nov. 18) -- Somali pirates attacked the Maersk Alabama on Wednesday for the second time in seven months, though private guards on board the U.S.-flagged ship repelled the attack with gunfire and a high-decibel noise device.

I have to tell you, I'm a little disappointed...

What happened to the pirates that look like this?....

Because...if he attacked a ship that I was on...I would beg to be taken.  I'm just sayin'.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Be Still....

and know that He is God...

It's a verse I repeat often. 

Psalm 46:10 "Be still, and know that I am God." 

I find it comforting.  I find it strong.  I can hear Him whisper, "Be still, and know that I am God."

Be is a spiritual disposition.

Be still...

And I drop my hands to my side, I become limp, I relax.  I leave it with God, and he comforts me.

Be still...and know that He is God.

It encourages me to reflect on what God can do in the face of what I am unable to do.

So when I feel like my world is tumbling down, when I am feeling weak and overwhelmed, I remind myself to not draw back in faith in God.  But to be still...

Be still in what  I know about God.

Monday, November 16, 2009


So, in effort to boost my self confidence (I know it's hard for some of you to believe that I have low self confidence, but I do)...I am on a weight loss kick, complete with working out...which you already know about from a few blogs down...


I have also decided to grow my hair long again, because like every other thirteen year old, I believe that girls with long hair have all the fun (or is that blonds have all the fun...crap, I went back to my natural brunette)!  This is quite a challenge for me...those of you who know me know that I am all about the instant gratification....I want something, I want in NOW.


Hair extensions...right?!  You walk into the salon, and walk out looking like this...

I called my beloved hairstylist, her name is Jordan and she works at The Loft (never been?...go NOW, YOU WILL L-O-V-E IT!!!).  I shared with Jordan my brilliant idea, she asked me three questions:

1.  What is your motivation for getting hair extensions?

My answer:  "Motivation?  Um...well, because I want my hair to be long.  I've had it styled like Posh Spice long's time to grow it out.  Oh, and I'm not really good with the whole "waiting" period....I need it to be long now."

2.  Do you have the time for long hair?

My answer:  "Um, what do you mean?  Of course I don't have time, I just told you that I don't want to wait.  I want long hair NOW!"

*Jordan:  "Let me rephrase that question, long hair takes you have the time to take care of your long hair?"

My second answer:  "Oh....well, no.  But that's the beauty of long hair....duh!? Can you say ponytail?"

3.  Do you follow directions well?  There are specific instructions on how to maintain and care for long hair, especially extensions.

My answer:  "Geez, Jordan...I would think that after styling my hair for the past three years and getting to know me, you would know that without a doubt I do NOT follow directions well.  I don't have time for directions or rules.  Rules, schmoolz."

And that was that...I was TOTALLY NOT ready or responsible enough for hair extensions...but I got them anyway. 

So, I arrived at my appointment.  I was SO excited!  I was certain that Pantene was going to call me to star in their next luxurious long hair commercial.  I was going to step out of the salon and turn heads...

Two hours later...after Jordan poured her blood, sweat and tears into placing the extensions into my hair...after she carefully styled my new do...she turned me around to face the mirror...


this is what I saw....

I H-A-T-E-D the extensions.  I looked like a really bad, really early 80's Joan Jett, like I just needed to grab my electric guitar and take the stage for some hard core rock and roll....

", it's not what I envisioned."

Jordan:  "You don't like it?"

"'s not that I don't like's that I HATE it, cut them out."

Jordan:  "WHAT?!?!  You don't want the extensions?!!!"

"um, yeah, no..."

forty five minutes later I walked out of the salon looking exactly the way I did when I walked in. 

But I did schedule my appointment to have my hair colored...

Now....I'm thinking pink highlights....   ;)

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Oh Deer....

Every year, in almost eleven years of marriage, I have not had to worry about hottie husband returning with the dreaded "dead deer."  I don't have a palate for deer meat and I honestly have no desire to whip up a new deer recipe...

No, I've never had to worry about it...

Until today...

A 10 point buck....


Thursday, November 12, 2009

Master Cleanse...

I know I have said this before...


I am totally SERIOUS this time...



This week I have gotten up at the crack *butt* of dawn and met my sister-in-law at the YMCA to lift weights and do cardio.

I have ALSO really watched what I am eating...(except today I watched a Ruben sandwich and onion rings as well as a strawberry hot fudge concrete go into my mouth, what? Culver's just opened...cut me some slack!).

So, I called my sister-by-another-mister (her dad is my step-dad, but we share the same mom) and asked for her advice (she's BIG on yoga and nutrition, everything natural...she's what I call a "tree hugger" or a "fool").  Here is how the conversation went:

Jordan (my sister):  "Yo!" (she's still really young folks, so she talks differently than we adults do).

Me: "Sup" (I have to try to talk like her so she will understand).

Jordan:  "Not much, just chillin"

Me:  "Great. So, the purpose of my call is that I am determined to loose some baggage and I know you are up on all this healthy crap, so I thought maybe you know of some good diet tips that might help me and motivate me..."

Jordan:  "For sure.  That's awesome.  Actually, you should start with a cleanse."

Me:  "A cleanse?  I already shower twice a day, Jordan."

Jordan:  "Yeah, I'm talking cleansing the INSIDE of your body.  It's a 10 day program and it totally cleans your system out.  It's really good for you, for your colon and for your intestines, and you can loose anywhere between 7-10 pounds in 10 days.  It's a great kick start."

Me:  "So, what do I do?"

Jordan:  "You drink a concoction of 2 Tablespoons of organic lemon juice, 2 Tablespoons of organic grade B maple syrup, 1/10 Teaspoon ground cayenne pepper, and 10 oz of filtered water.  That's it.  That's all you can have for 10 days.  And I know you are going to think you can't do it, but you can.  I do it all the time!"

Me:  "Does it work?  How do you know it works?  How do you know that it's really cleaning your system?"

Jordan:  "Because it's been 2 years since I've had corn, and yesterday there was corn in my poop."

Me:  "I just vomited in my mouth a little."

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

To Grandma, From Baby Betsy...

Eleven years ago today, my beautiful grandmother passed away at the very young age of 68.  She was a victim of breast cancer...a tiny lump in her breast that was overlooked on a mammogram.  She was diagnosed in August of 1998.  She died November 11, 1998...a mere three months after being diagnosed. 

My grandmother was born Josephine Ann Hockaday on May 10, 1930.  She married young, to a man I've never known, my mother's father, Jr. Hickey.  My mother is the oldest, followed by my aunt Stephanie.  When both my mother and my aunt were very, very small, their father and my grandmother's husband left them, wanting them no more. 

My grandmother reconnected with a high school friend, Charlie Czarlinsky.  He is who I knew as my grandfather.  After my grandparents were married, my grandfather legally adopted my mother and my aunt and he and my grandmother then had a third daughter, my aunt Charlayn. 

Together my grandmother and my grandfather ran my grandfather's family business in downtown, Jefferson City.  A men's clothing store called, Czarlinsky's.  The store was closed for business when I was in the eighth grade...I have many memories of the store such as helping make bows for Christmas packages, walking to Daisy Delight with my grandfather for onion rings, pushing the keys on the old cash register and helping to "ring" up the customers.  I remember when my grandparents lived above their store. 

What I remember the most about my grandmother was her blue eyeshadow that she wore from her lids to her eyebrows.  She taught me how to play tennis at the Country Club, and I begged her to buy me the tiny white tennis skirts that the professionals wore.  I remember my grandmother teaching me how to sew, and we made Barbie clothes together.  My grandmother taught me how to cook and she made all my favorite things.  I remember when any of the grandchildren were in trouble her threatening statement was "I'm going to set you on fire!"...(said in love).  I "inherited" my obsessive compulsive disorder from my grandmother, watching her clean her tile floors with a toothbrush.  Everything was always in it's spot and never a spec of dust was found in her home.  She could whistle through her teeth and her laugh was loud and contagious! 

My grandmother was my best friend.  She is who I called to cry to when I had my first broken heart.  She celebrated my sweet 16th birthday with me when my mom and my dad were at my youngest sister's bedside days after she was born, not knowing if my sister would make it through the night.  She called me "baby Betsy" until the day she died.  She took me to get my ears pierced (even though my parents said I had to be 16...I was 13)!  She let me drive her car in the driveway and the parking lot where she and my grandfather lived.  She gave me my first taste of coffee.  She bought me the dress I wore when I married my first husband. 

She never stopped believing in me, even when I had given every reason for her to not believe in me.  She offered words of encouragement when I needed them most.  She loved me unconditionally, and she knew me like nobody else knew me....

My grandmother was the most beautiful woman I knew.  She was intelligent, she was kind, she was patient and she was full of spirit! 

I miss my grandmother terribly.

To my grandmother...I know your view from Heaven is grand!  I hope I have made you proud...I know that if you were here you would tell me so.  In fact...I can hear you now..."You have pulled yourself up by the boot straps, and I'm so very proud of you!" 

I love you grandma! 

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Wanna Know How I Spent Most Of My Day?....

Sitting in my office on the second floor, blinds wide open, watching this...

And this...

And then when we all figured out it was "miscommunication"....this is what I thought of...

Taxpayers money....right down the toilet.  :(

Monday, November 9, 2009

Three Nevers

I got this idea from another blogger...

What (if you have them) are your three "nevers" in life?

I'll go first...

1.  Never give up your Faith in God. 

2.  Never except candy from a stranger (except M & M's)

3.  Never say you will raise your children differently than your parents raised you...(My parents were/are SUPER strict and I thought they were the world's toughest parents!  I remember saying on a daily basis, "when I have kids, I'm going to be less strict and be their friend!"....funny, how actually being a parent changes your prospective)!  ;)

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Lifehouse, "Everything"...

Turn up the volume and watch this amazing skit to the song "Everything."  As you are watching, keep this in your thoughts...Philippians 4:13 "I can do everything through Him who gives me strength."

Saturday, November 7, 2009

Obsession? I Don't Think So....

Have I mentioned that there are only 13 days, 14 hours, 35 minutes and 22 seconds until "New Moon" opens in movie theatres everywhere?!?! 

Do you know what that means???

It means a whole lot of this....

And this...

And be sure to pick up your copy of this...

Because it has a whole lot of this...

And this...

(I want to be the lobster bib)...

But wait...have you seen these?.....

Thank you Mr. Inappropriate Edward Panty Creator! 

Friday, November 6, 2009

To My Dear Friend...

I have a very dear friend who is going through a very difficult time in her young life.  She has two beautiful little girls (that I love and ADORE) and her husband recently asked her for a divorce.  She only works part time (sort of on a contract basis) as a photographer and so understandably she is feeling a little scared and unsure of how things will be.  Self confidence has plummeted and to top it all off, she has absolutely no family closer than about two hours away. 

The above is how my friend sees things as they are...

This is what I see...

I see a beautiful young lady that displays the most amount of patience I have ever seen a mother exhibit.  I see a tremendously talented and gifted quilter, her work is extraordinary and she's quick to boot!  I see someone so strong in her faith that she has set an example to me of someone I aspire to be like.  I see two darling and energized little girls following Jesus because it's what they see their beautiful mother doing.  I see someone who isn't afraid to cry or ask for help.  I see someone who is there to offer a shoulder when others are crying and she is the first to offer assistance when others ask for help.  I hear her laugh and it's music to my ears.

But most of all, I see that God loves my friend.  And in order for her to grow in the grace and the knowledge of Jesus, He will expose her to difficult times, but always for her good and His Glory.  None of us is promised a smooth path on the Christian road, however we are assured that the Lord has already experienced all and more, and that He will teach us and grow us through whatever we face.

2 Corinthians 1:3-5 "Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God."

And so to my dear encouraged and wait on Him. 

I am reminded of long as his eyes were on Jesus, he walked on water.  As soon as he took his eyes off of Jesus, he began to sink. 

Put your eyes back on Jesus.  Praise him.  Spend time with him. 

Be still and know that He is God.....

I love you!

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Is This It???

For those of you who do not know, I do movie reviews on a local radio station every Friday morning.  That's right...I'm paid to go to the movies.  I just returned from seeing the movie "This Is It", the last footage of the great Michael Jackson.  I'm going to be very honest with you and say that I really had no desire to see this movie, I only agreed because I was asked to review it.  However, having said that...I left the movie with a new respect for the king of pop!

The Michael Jackson we see in the movie is not a self-styled god or a tabloid freak. He is what he always was underneath it all: a talented musician, a brilliant dancer, and one of the most gifted entertainers of all time.  For two amazing hours, all the ghosts of scandals past disappear, leaving an entertainer whose only desire was to dazzle.

And dazzle he does.

Michael was ready to reclaim his throne, he was a man on a mission and the footage shot during rehearsals for his upcoming tour proved that he didn't do things half a**, he went all the way.  The "Thriller" segment of the movie is worth the price of admission alone...

I challenge all of you...I know how you feel, you think he was/is over exposed, you are tired of hearing about "MJ"....but I urge you to let go of all those thoughts, open your mind and go see this is truly an awesome tribute to one of the music industry's most notorious and downright tragic figures!

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Another Letter To Oprah....

Dear Oprah,

I just emailed another request for you to send that darling friend of yours, Nate, to make all my house dreams come true.  And, again I received a generic email from "the Oprah staff" stating that my email was delivered, but due to the high volume of emails you receive on a daily basis, not all emails can be answered, but I should be rest assured that my email was read. 

Give it to me straight O, are my emails being read?  Because I really feel like IF my emails ARE being read, then Nate would have been here three years ago when I first started emailing.

Oprah, I have adored you from the beginning.  You introduced me to every spiritual guru since the early 90’s and I can assure you that my inner chi is centered. I have explored, along with you, and practiced every dieting trend from low-fat to Acai berry. I’ve met all of your professional nutritionists from Rosie to Bob Greene. (And you know what? I'm still fat, just like you...)

My point is, I've stuck with you.  I have endorsed you when others wrote hate mail.  I continue to TiVo your talk show every single day, even the re-runs, and I watch and I learn....

So WHY?  Why won't you send Nate to my house?  Do you even know that my king size bed is sitting in our family room, waiting for our master bedroom to be completed?  Yeah, we call it the "Willy Wonka" bed, because like on Willy Wonka, we sleep together in our bed...IN THE FAMILYROOM! 

So please, Oprah, please send Nate to my house.  At least the madness and the stalking can finally come to an end...all you have to do is SEND NATE!

Yours truly,

P.S.  If ever there is a movie to be made of my life, I totally would want you to play Jane, my therapist.

Monday, November 2, 2009

Warning: Carbon Monoxide...

For those of you that have read my blog from the beginning of it's creation, you may remember "This & That Thursday".  Each Thursday I would blog about something silly, stupid or downright hysterical from my past.  Well, I've decided to move Thursday's to Monday's with "Memory Monday's"'s that for creative? 

So...Memory Monday # 1:

Last year, around this time, both hottie husband and I were out and about, not having been home since we left for work early that morning.  I had all three boys with me and Mark was over at my parents house (no doubt completing some sort of handy man work for my mommy dearest).  Around 9 pm I pulled into our driveway somewhat perturbed that Mark was not home before me, I was exhausted and wanted help getting the boys bathed and into bed.  I parked the car and began to unlock the side door when I heard a faint, but ear piercing noise.  When I opened the door I realized it was our fire alarm...three staccato beeps, repeating over and over.  I panicked...knowing our fire alarm had two signals to alarm us of harm: the first, a continuous tone followed by a women's voice warning us of a "fire!" (said in a robotic voice).  The second, three staccato beeps followed by the same robotic voice, "warning, carbon monoxide."  I wasted no time, I slammed the door shut and turned to the boys..."go stand in the front yard, I need to call the fire department, our house is filled with poisonous gas!"  I grabbed my cell phone and called 911:

Woman:  "911, what's your emergency?"
Me:  "My home is filled with Carbon Monoxide!"
Woman:  "I have you at 1*0* B***H** Drive..."
Me:  "That's right."
Woman:  "The fire department is on their way.  Please stay out of the home."
Me:  "Thank you!"

I was impressed!  Not more than 5 to 7 minutes later not one, but THREE fire trucks, lights spinning and sirens screaming, screeched to a halt in front of my home, five (strapping and totally H-O-T, no pun intended) firemen come walking up my driveway.  Not far behind the fire chief pulls up in his fire engine red suburban and approaches me...

Fire Chief:  "Good evening mam.  Is everyone out of the home?"
Me:  "Yes sir.  We are all here."
Fire Chief:  "My men are going to go inside the home with their special devices (okay, so he really had some fancy word but I don't recall that word right now) and figure out what is going on."
Me:  "I understand."

I had called hottie husband over at my parents after I had called 911 and about this time he came flying into the driveway, a look of panic on his face.  Mommy dearest was ringing my cell, panic in her voice, checking to make sure her baby boys were all safe. 

This is where it starts to get ugly....

All five firemen walked out of my home after not even being inside for five minutes...and one of them was muffling a laugh.  The George Clooney looking one approached me, holding my fire alarm....

George Cloooney look-a-like:  "Mam, there is no carbon monoxide in your home.  Your fire alarm needs a new battery."
Me:  "But I heard the code was three staccato beeps followed by the robotic warning!"
GCLAL:  "Hmmm...I don't know how to answer that, because that isn't what it sounded like."
Me:  "BUT, I'm SURE that there is poison in my home!  Can you please go back in and use your little scientific device?"
GCLAL:  "That's the first thing we did mam."
Me:  "But.."
Hottie Husband (rudely interrupting):  "Betsy, um, I think they know what they are talking about." (turning to GCLAL), "I'm so sorry, thank you for your help."
Me:  "WELL hottie husband...I know what I'm talking about too...and I KNOW that the alarm was warning me of poison in my home! Now, Mr. hottie fireman, if you will PLEASE go back into my home and reassure me that it is not full of poison, I would greatly appreciate it."
GCLAL:  "Mam, I believe we have wasted enough of the city's tax dollars.  Have a nice evening!"

And with that, hottie fireman handed over our fire alarm and one by one all the fire trucks pulled away, sirenless and lightless.  Hottie husband and all three boys nonchalantly sauntered into our home and I stood, frozen in the middle of my driveway.  What in the world had just happened?  How could I have been so wrong?

Just then, hottie husband came out and walked right up to me and handed me a construction mask, laughing hysterically...

"Here you go honey, so you don't have to breathe in the poisonous gas..."

It wasn't so funny to hottie husband when he slept on the couch that night....