A night spent with my Bible, a highlighter and a background of soft music (Chris Tomblin, to be exact).
My face is swollen and tight with dried up tears. My heart was heavy, but now is full of Christ...
Allow me to share....
Most recently I have lost my way from the path of Jesus. I took my focus off of Christ, and placed it elsewhere. My flesh craved the "feel good" and I struggled with my spirit screaming in my ear that the choices I have made are not for Christs will.
I cried out for my Savior last night...I specifically asked for Him to show Himself to me...
And He did. Through the words of my Bible. His words...
I vigilantly prayed out loud and I thirstily highlighted His words...repeatedly reading each prayer.
The Holy Spirit kept me hungry to know more of Christ's word. I felt encouraged...
Personal obedience...for which I have struggled with for many years...
Personal obedience compels me...that I might share and model Him to a weary world...a weary me...
For these are the words that I read:
Ephesians 3:13-19
"Therefore I ask you not to lose heart at my tribulations on your behalf, for they are your glory. For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name, that He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with power through His Spirit in the inner man, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; and that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled up to all the fullness of God."
There is no doubt that God loves us. If there is anything that I know about my Father, it must be this; that He loves me more than anything in the whole world...
So why do I fail? Why do I allow the disobedience in my life? Why do I blind myself to His love?
Because I allow myself to think with my flesh...
And then I highlight 2 Corinthians 12:
"Because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, for this reason, to keep me from exalting myself, there was given me a thorn in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to torment me--to keep me from exalting myself! Concerning this I implored the Lord three times that it might leave me. And He has said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness " Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ's sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong."
Do you see what has happened? Allow me to explain...
Satan has done his very best to push me down....
And yet all he has done is push me to my knees...and allowed for me to find my way in Christ once more.
Lord God, I am on my knees before you...the acknowledgement of my sin and my wicked nature motivates me to draw closer and closer to you. I am asking you Lord God to prompt me with your Holy Spirit and aid me in growth towards you and to apply your word to my everyday life. I ask that you take my life and use it towards your Glory, for I have never desired anything more than your word in my heart at this moment. I pray to you God that in your wisdom you will use my weakness to continue to look towards you in the days ahead. God, I don't pretend to have all the answers and I certainly do not pretend to be something that I am not. God I try to be truthful regarding my walk with you, I place my weaknesses before the world only to show the world that I need a Savior and a Savior I have received.
I repent, and I believe. Jesus is the Faithful One. He will never leave me or forsake me. There is nothing I can do that will turn Him away....
These are the words that I now hold onto.
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