Beauty And The Breasts....

As Valentines Day approaches, I recall the year 1993...Valentines Day was celebrated while I was attending William Woods (which at the time was an all girls college and Westminster, down the road, was an all boys college...my parents tell people that they paid for William Woods, but I attended Westminster...HA!)...

Anyway...my sorority (Delta Gamma, that's what I amma...)  ;) was hosting a Valentines Day "Sadie Hawkins" dance, meaning that the girls asked the boys to the dance....YES!

I knew immediately who I was going to ask to the dance...he was a Phi Delta Tau at Westminster...we had been dating for about four months....

Because it was Valentines Day and because it was a formal dance, I wanted everything to be special!  I found the perfect dress...pink sequin, tight, short...(remember, this is early 90's).  My hair was curled and pulled up with a few wispy curls that fell from he sides, my shoes were dyed to match the dress and I had borrowed beautiful jewelry from my mother...everything was PERFECT...

Except...

As I was dressing in my dorm room with my roommate and our suite mates,I pulled on the dress and my roommate commented, "You should stuff your bra tonight...it will fill the dress out a little more and you'll look fantastic!"

Ummm....fantastic...yep, that's the look I was going for....okay...

"What should I use to stuff my bra?" I asked my roommate.  "Here..." she replied as she grabbed a multi-colored blazer from her closet and tore out the shoulder pads (early 90's...don't forget)...

"Great idea!" I thought my roommate was a genius...I placed a shoulder pad on each side of my bra and turned to look at myself in the mirror....I looked exactly how I had envisioned....I was full of confidence (why shouldn't I have been, I weighed all of 110 pounds and had legs up to my ears)...I was ready to go to the dance.

The dance was held at a restaurant called Tonanzios in New Bloomfield, Missouri (approximately 15 minutes from where I went to college).  My date and I had a blast!  We danced all night with our friends...

And then...

It happened...

My date took me out on the dance floor for the last song of the night, Van Morrison's "My Brown Eyed Girl"...there we were...two kids cuttin' a rug in the middle of the dance floor, surrounded by all 120 of my Delta Gamma sisters and their dates....

And the shoulder pad on the left side of my bra popped out and fell to the floor....

You could almost hear the record player screech to a halt as my date bent over to pick up my "fake boob"....

My date:  "Um, this just fell out of your dress..."

Me (scarlet red): "No....no, I don't think so...where did that come from?"

My date:  "Uh...it came from your dress...and by the way, the other one is about to fall next.."

Me (looking down at my chest):  "What in the WORLD?!  What is happening?!  Whatever!  I'm am SO TOTALLY suing the dress maker...this dress is falling apart!"

My date:  "So, the dress came with shoulder pads in the breast area?"

Me:  "Duh!"

...and with that I stomped off the dance floor and fled to the ladies room where I sat and cried until it was time to load the bus and go back to the sorority house....

So my point in sharing this story is...it's not all about my hiney...it's about my breasts too!  ;)