Reality Bites....

Smack!

Reality just punched me in the face...

I returned home late last night...

Me:  "Um, where is my pillow top mattress with the white feather comforter and the billowy pillows?  And the bottled Pierre water on my night side table?  The remote to the 42 inch flat screen hanging on the wall resting on the edge of my fresh bed sheets that have been turned down for me?  Where is the silence?"

Hottie Husband:  "Welcome home baby!"

Me (whiney voice):  "I don't wanna be home...." 

I stomp my foot.  My lower lip juts forward into a pout and I tightly cross my arms.

Whatever.

I just returned home from a week long adventure, and reality just punched me in the face.

It started with a business trip to New York City, I landed at LaGuardia airport around 3:30 pm last Sunday.  Dinner that evening was at a local Mexican restaurant and during my meal a man was tasered by the police for acting like he was going to pull a gun from his coat pocket...."welcome to New York!" were the words floating through my head as I reached for my camera to snap a few photos! 

The hotel that I stayed in while in NYC was called The Muse...it's a Kimpton hotel....and it was UN-BELIEVEABLE!!!  Here are a few photos of my room...

Monday I started my morning early....dropping in on a prospect that I had met with back in May when I was in New York that I haven't had much luck getting in touch with since.  I was so glad I decided to drop by...it was the beginning of an AWESOME day of business in the Big Apple!

Monday evening I met up with a friend that lives in New York and she treated me to dinner at an Asian restaurant called Buddakan, the same restaurant where the rehearsal dinner scene in the movie "Sex and The City" was filmed!!

Tuesday morning I jaunted down to the small coffee shop on the corner of 46th and Broadway and as I stood in line for my cup of Joe I looked up to the gorgeous face of Duane "The Rock" Johnson...OMG!  There he was, in the flesh....his forearm brushed against mine....if I didn't have OCD I wouldn't have ever showered again!

Tuesday evening, after another successful day of business, two of my favorite clients took me out for an evening of dancing!  It was a BLAST!!  We ended up going to a dance club owned by Jay-Z (Beyonce's better half) and I honestly believe that I burned around 5,000 calories dancing!  It was SO MUCH FUN!

Wednesday morning I awoke to the news of an incoming snow storm...a MAJOR snow storm...in fear that I would be stuck in NYC if I waited to fly out on Thursday (my original plan...and by the way, being stuck in NYC is not a bad thing...except when it comes to OPRAH)...I changed my flight and boarded a plane to Chicago....well, sort of...I boarded a plane to Chicago after a THREE HOUR delay!!!

Wednesday evening I (finally) landed in Chicago around 10 pm. I was greeted at the hotel by my mother's college roommate and best friend, along with another friend...the Park Hyatt Hotel in Chicago....

Do you hear the angels singing?!?!?.....

Thursday the three of us met for breakfast in the hotel restaurant and then went shopping in Chicago while we waited for my mother's plane to land. When my mother arrived that afternoon all four of us went to the AMC Theatre for a special Oprah viewing of an Oscar nominated movie titled, "The Single Man" starring Collin Firth (one of the guests on the Oprah show that we would attend the next day). After the movie (which was AMAZING) we went to dinner at a restaurant called Cafe Luxe...it was delicious!

Me, Draza & my mother...

Me & Anne (my mother's best friend)...

Friday morning we met for breakfast and then we headed to the Oprah show!!!  Even though the show wasn't being taped until 2 pm we were instructed to arrive no later than 10 am.  We waited in a holding area in the Harpo Studios for THREE HOURS!!!!  No cell phones, no cameras...they emptied our purses....this is when I started to get over the whole Oprah infatuation....seriously. 

FINALLY they took us into the studio on the set of the Oprah show!  The set is very small compared to what it appears to be on the television....we were rallied for approximately 45 minutes with up beat music and lots of laughter....

And then....

Oprah walked out on the stage.....ABSOLUTE MAYHEM....the audience went W-I-L-D!!! 

She walked out in flip flops..and then a stage hand came out and she held onto him as he placed her feet into a pair of 4 inch Jimmy Choo shoes....(note to self:  get stage hand and Jimmy Choos)....

Taping began immediately.  The Pre Oscars Show....first guest was Roger Ebert....what an uplifting story and an incredible spirit he has....if you are not familiar...google it.  I SOBBED the entire time he was on stage!!

Next up was the lead actor from the movie we had previewed the night before, Collin Firth....WHAT A HOTTIE!

After the commercial break Oprah introduced Tom Ford, former designer for Gucci and now director of the film "A Single Man" (again, the movie we previewed the night before)....OMG....HE IS DELICIOUS!! (but gay)....

Another commercial break and MORGAN FREEMAN....LOVE HIM!

Just before the show wrapped up Oprah made an announcement that Sprint wanted everyone in the audience to take home a brand new, top of the line, newly released cell phone!!!  You would have thought she said, "I'm going to pay all your bills" or "I bought you a house...", everyone was jumping up and down, screaming, hugging the person standing next to them....as I stood there and thought..."great, a Sprint cell phone....um, got anything AT&T?"  It was completely useless to me...I don't use Sprint...and no free phone in the whole world, even from Oprah, was going to get me to change over.  That sounds selfish...so let me redeem myself here....I am very grateful that I got to see Oprah in person, in her studio and she gave me a gift.....even though I felt she was completely disengaged from the audience and I can't use the free gift.

After the Oprah show we shopped the Oprah store (of course) and I spent a ridiculous amount of money (would you expect anything less) on an "O" pink (again, a shocker) sweatshirt that I am now on day three of wearing....(the OCD in me is feeling very attacked right now).

That evening we ate at Ralph Lauren....no, not the clothing store....but YES, owned by the man that makes the clothes.  It is a restaurant in Chicago that has AMAZING food and a quaint and rustic atmosphere....and Oprah frequents the restaurant...so it kept with the whole "O" theme for the day!  ;)

Saturday morning was our last breakfast in Chicago, followed by one last shopping spree and then off to the airport!  We landed late last night and this morning is when reality hit....

8 year old: "Mom....Jack hit me!!"

9 year old: "He hit me first!"

13 year old: "I hate these jeans....I have no clothes....MOM!!!  I need jeans!  I'm not going anywhere!"

Hottie Husband: "We are out of coffee....here is a mug of ice water..."

Me (eyes closed, clicking heels): "There's no place like New York and Chicago, There's no place like New York and Chicago...."


Before I wrap up this post I would like to leave you with two last photos....the first is a photo of the grocery store that I would shop if I lived in Chicago...(and by the way Mr. Mayor of JC, if you are reading this post, I fully expect for JC to have this grocery store within the next year....it's totally up my alley)!

And...the name of the street that I would live on if I lived in Chicago....(again, Mr. Mayor of JC...I would like to change the current name of my street to the below):

Conversation With Jesus...

Me:  "Are you there Jesus? It's me, Betsy"

Jesus:  "I get it, a spoof off the book 'Are You There God, It's Me Margret', you are very funny my child"

Me:  "I am funny, aren't I? Now I'm working on appropriateness...maybe you can help me"

Jesus:  "Yes, I can help you with that.  Now, tell me, what did you want to talk about tonight?"

Me:  "Well, I'm leaving tomorrow for my business trip in New York City.  I'm sure you already know that I'm taking this trip all by myself...and I'm trying to put my big girl panties on, but I typically don't wear underwear so I'm finding this difficult..."

Jesus:  "Okay, that....that was inappropriate."

Me:  "Oh, yeah, right.  Sorry."

Jesus:  "I forgive you."

Me:  "I love that about you.  Okay...so, NYC...it's the whole flying thing...you know I don't like to fly.  So, I was wondering if you could use those massive hands of yours and just sort of 'carry' the plane from St. Louis to NYC....and by the way, you should just tell me that yes, you will carry the plane for me even if that is a stupid request, because I'm telling you right now that if you say 'that's not how it works' then I will go all freaky!"

Jesus:  "Yes, I will carry the plane for you"

Me:  "Okay, now are you just saying that because I told you to say yes even if you can't?  Or are you saying yes because you really mean it?"

Jesus:  "Hmmmm, I see we have other issues than just the inappropriateness to work on"

Me:  "Right"

Jesus:  "Is there anything more you need from me my child?"

Me:  "Really?  Are you taking requests...because seriously, I have a whole list!"

Jesus:  "Let's keep this to a minimum for right now..."

Me:  "Okay...well, you know I'm also going to see Oprah next week in Chicago!!  Excuse me while I scream into my pillow...."  (massive, high pitched scream muffled into my feather pillow...dog begins to bark) "Okay...sorry...it's just I CAN NOT believe I'm going to see Oprah!!  I've been stalking her for seven years!"

Jesus:  "Yes, I know"

Me:  "Right, of course you do....I sense a bit of an undertone when you speak of her..."

Jesus:  "Yes, well, where Oprah does do a lot of good in the world, unfortunately she promotes New Age thinking, meaning she teaches against the Biblical truth, my truth"

Me:  "Listen Jesus, I don't agree with Oprah's life choices and what she believes in...all I care about is what kind of car I can win!"

Jesus:  "Yes, and that is why I'm not against you going to the Oprah Show...however, that is something else we need to work on....selfishness."

Me:  "Whatever.  Can we start after I get back?"

Jesus:  (sighs) "Whatever"

Sunshine Cleaning...

When I am stressed or struggling, I clean and rearrange furniture....

Tonight I rearranged my family room, my teenager's bedroom, my two younger boys bedroom and my entire house is immaculate.

I'm just sayin'....

Girl Interrupted....

Five therapists...

Millions of dollars....(that might be a slight exaggeration, "slight" being the key word)

Trenches of tears, fits of anger, a hollowed heart and surfaced fears...

I've been revealing my innermost demons to Dr. "Can-You-Fix-Crazy" for several months...and three days ago I quit her. Just like that. I dropped her like she's hot (that's funny to me, and it fits the genre)!

"You did what?!!" might be what you are asking, at least that was hottie husbands reaction....
And I'll be honest with you, I will share with you the same explanation that I shared with hottie husband...

"I quit. I don't want to see Dr. "Can-You-Fix-Crazy" anymore. She made me mad, so I quit her."

Hottie huband: "Okay...are you going to tell me what she did to make you mad and warrant such behavior?"
Me: "Sure, and I am certain that you will totally side with me."

Hottie Husband: "I'm all ears, my dear..." (generally when he uses the term "my dear" it means that he most likely isn't going to side with me..)

Me: "Well, on Monday I was at lunch with a friend at Panera Bread, and Dr. "Can-You-Fix-Crazy" was there. When I got up to leave I walked right by her and I smiled and said, 'Hi Doc!' and she totally acted like she didn't know me! She barley said 'hello' and then she severed eye contact with me!"
Hottie husband: "Bets, I think she has to do that, honey. I think it's a confidentiality thing...she was respecting your privacy."

Me: "Privacy? Are you kidding me? I'm on the world wide web hottie husband!! There is NO privacy with me!"
Hottie husband: "That is a very true statement, but I think you are being a little too sensitive."

Me: "Whatever!"

Now...before all of you, dear readers, begin to side with hottie husband...there is a happy ending to this story....
Therapist number six! She comes highly recommended AND.....
Wait for it.....

She is a Christian counselor!!! Today was my first session and I honestly left the session asking, "where has this woman been all my life?!" I've spent one hour with her and already I know that this is the best thing that I've ever done for myself! She shed so much light on my life in that short hour than all previous five therapists have shed in the fifteen years I've been working on mental health!

Christian counseling is different from secular counseling because Christian counseling rises to another dimension... Christian counseling seeks to carefully discover the areas in which a Christian may be disobedient to the principles and commands of Scripture and to help that person learn how to lovingly submit to God's will. Christan counselors see the Bible as the source of all truth...there is a lot of practical wisdom in the Bible about human nature, marriage and family, human suffering, and so much more. By using biblical concepts in counseling, Christian counselors can instruct people in the way they should go and also hold them accountable. Psalm 119:24 says, "Your statutes are my delight; they are my counselors."
I am SO excited about my new Dr. "Can-You-Fix-Crazy!" In fact...I'm calling this one Dr. "I'll-Restore-Your-Soul-And-Give-You-Peace!"

I plan on using the wealth of wisdom and sound judgment that will be shared with me by my new Christian counselor to enhance my marriage, my spiritual journey and my mental healing.

"For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart" (Hebrews 4:12).

BIG ANNOUNCEMENT...HUGE, GIGANTIC, INCREDIBLE....

Dear Oprah,

Brace yourself, I am FINALLY coming to your show!!  Don't even think about setting up extra security...I know you know who I am, I've been emailing you every week for SEVEN years, but I promise to be on my best behavior....nothing crazy...(at least I'll try). 

You may be wondering how I obtained a ticket to your show....well, let me enlighten you!  My mother is an English teacher at the high school here in my home town (she is most likely going over each of my blog posts with a highlighter and a red pen, marking all my grammatical errors....whatever!)...she has been a teacher for over 35 years (with a small break in between to care for my special needs sister).  Recently a group of her students wrote to your show Oprah and shared with your staff (I'm sure you read the letter first hand as well, right?) what an inspiration my mother is as a teacher.  As my mother's daughter I can honestly say that she goes above and beyond her duties as a teacher, often caring for her students as if they are all her own children.  I recall a few years ago during the Christmas season a student of my mothers, at the age of 17, was pregnant with her second child.  She was living on her own, unable to afford anything and my mother put together stockings, a Christmas meal and a few presents to make her holiday more enjoyable and full of love! My mother loves to teach, and her students are a living testament to her passion!

The letter to you Oprah, from my mother's students, caught your eyes and you have sent FOUR tickets to your show!!!  Not just any show...but the pre Oscars show!!!  (Word is that all Oscar nominees will be on your stage....for the love of Betsy, please tell me that Robert Pattinson has been nominated for his role in "Twilight!")!!

Four tickets to the Oprah Show...and my mother chose me as one of her guests!!!  Her college roommate/bestie and her daughter will be joining us in the big Chi-cago!

And so Oprah....I'll be there....all up in your business....and I only have one request....

Please, Please....when you have the camera on me, please make sure it's my good side!  ;)

Ecstatically yours,

Betsy Dudenhoeffer

Happy Christian Birthday To Me!...

One year ago today I opened my heart to the love of Jesus Christ!

Today I celebrate a new me.  The past year has been charged with challenges but the love of Christ has been plentiful.  It isn't an easy walk...the path of Christ...I stumble daily...

But yesterday, as I stood with the choir at church, I closed my eyes as I sang from the depths of my heart knowing that God is at work. I felt as though, if I opened my eyes, I would see no less than a legion of angels surrounding me as I continue to fight the battle for the LORD!

I have received several text messages and emails wishing me a "Happy Christian Birthday", I went to lunch with a dear friend and she gifted me a card and a daily devotional by Oswald Chambers called "My Utmost For His Highest" and hottie husband sent me a dozen pink tulips (my absolute fav!)!!  It is good to be surrounded by such awesome Christian friends and family!!

Reflecting back on my decision, I am re-posting my entry "God Doesn't Keep A Record Of Wrongs"...

My testimony: (originally posted on April 11, 2009)

Want to know something about me? I'm not perfect. Are you shocked? It's true. In fact, I am FAR from perfect. Want to know something else about me? Until recently I thought I needed to be perfect for God to love me. Silly, I know. I have spent the majority of my life punishing myself because I thought God couldn't love me because of the bad choices I have made, being the "adventurous" soul that I (sometimes) am. I have spent years focusing on my sins...I was unable to let go of the past and look forward, allowing myself to make better decisions and live a life that God wants me to live. I feared death. Unable to imagine how I could stand before the Lord and explain myself, would he even listen or had he already made up his mind?
Growing up I attended church and Sunday school every Sunday with my family. I went through confirmation. Each summer I was enrolled in Bible school. I believed in Jesus, but that is where it ended. I didn't have a relationship with Jesus. I didn't get any meaning out of the sermons on Sunday. Bible school...it was merely crafts and new songs, a social time. I knew what it meant to "sin," I knew the Ten Commandments and not to break them. I guess I never knew about forgiveness...true forgiveness. I never knew that God doesn't keep a record of wrongs...in fact, I thought my record was probably longer than anyone else in the whole world. I could not understand how God could love me and so I doubted his love for me. I thought that all the "bad" things that happened to me, the skin cancer, the epilepsy, my grandparents dying at such a young age, my miscarriage, my failed marriage, my parents divorce, all of it...I believed it was God punishing me for my sins...

And then God sent me Angels...(okay, so I'm a bit dramatic...but I do believe). God had a plan for me. His plan brought me to Covenant Graphics (did you know that's the name of the holding company for Modern Litho-Print and Brown Printing?) and blessed me with new friends, Darla, Darrell, Greg and Becky. They became my "spiritual mentors." Never pushing, never overbearing...in fact, it started with me asking Darla if I could join her Bible study. And so began my journey.....

It wasn't easy. In fact, I guess you could say I "failed" the first try. I was doing so well...going to Bible study each week with Darla. My family and I started to attend a new church, the church that Darla and her family belong to. I began to develop a deeper relationship with Jesus...and then I doubted myself. I let others opinion of me get to my head. People began questioning me. Comments like, "We like the old Betsy better...the 'party' girl Betsy!" My friends would laugh when I told them I was going to Bible study. I drew back. And then I stopped my journey all together.
After being diagnosed with epilepsy in October last year I began to re-evaluate my life. I took a step back. I realized that for the past several years I, as a mother of three and a wife, was leading a "single" person's lifestyle. I was never home. My husband felt alone. Our marriage was stressed. I had nothing in common with the people I was hanging out with. I had no friends that were married and/or had children. For the first time in years I opened my eyes, and I realized that my diagnoses was God's way of saying "you need to change." I listened. I pouted at first. I was angry. I thought it was another "punishment." And then on Wednesday evening during Bible study, Gayle (the groups lesson leader) asked all of us to go around the room and share when we were "saved." I sat in silence. I could feel my cheeks turn hot. In my head I was praying that the Earth would open up and I would fall through. I had no idea what it meant to be "saved." I have been baptized. I was an infant. But I was sure that my baptism was not the same as being saved. I listened in horror to each and every woman talk about her experience. I was completely ashamed.

Three weeks after that evening I left for New York city with Greg and Becky. We had gone to New York on a business trip, I had never been. One night Becky and I were visiting and I asked Becky, "what does it mean to be saved?" Becky explained to me that being saved means that you have asked Jesus to come into your heart, you have confessed with your mouth and believe in your heart that Jesus Christ died on the cross for your sins. It means that your sins have been washed away by the shed blood of Jesus Christ on the cross and that when you accept him into your heart you now have access to forgiveness for your sins by prayer. Wow!

That same night as I laid in my bed in the hotel room in New York city I listened to my heart. I was quiet. I began to cry. I couldn't believe that after all my sins...after all the bad in my life, the wrong choices I had made that God still brought these wonderful, amazing and forgiving people into my life. I was surrounded by love. The women in my Bible study had opened their hearts to me from the beginning. They never judged. They didn't gasp when I said I had not been saved. Darla never gave up on me, even when I quit the journey. She loved me unconditionally...knowing my "adventurous" soul. Greg and Becky believed in me. I laid in bed wondering how I had come so far. How could these people love me so much? And then I realized the one common thread in all of their lives. Their faith and their relationship with Jesus. I wanted it. I've never wanted something so badly in my life. I wanted a relationship with Jesus. I wanted to be forgiven of my sins. I wanted to change. I wanted to begin the life that Jesus wants me to live. And so I asked Jesus for forgiveness. I asked Jesus to come into my heart and show me the way.

I'm still on a journey. I'm still traveling the road to a more Christ like life. I sometimes stumble...but with the help of Jesus I pick myself up. Jesus forgives me.

I will never be able to express my thanks enough to Darla, Darrell, Greg and Becky. Not only have I been "saved" in Christian terms, but Darla, Darrell, Greg and Becky "saved" me too.

For the first time in my life, I am truly happy. I feel peace. I am proud of who I am and what I have become. For the first time in my life I have opened my heart to Jesus and developed a relationship with Him, not just Faith. I don't have to look back anymore. I no longer feel the burden of my sins. Jesus died on the cross for my sins.

Now that's something to fall on your knees about!

Find God's Love Here...

*My posts for the next few days will reflect my spiritual walk.  I am submerging myself in the word of Jesus and I will share with all of you, if you are so inclined to listen...

Sundays have become my favorite day of the week...a spiritual "lift" each and every Sunday when I walk through the doors of Memorial Baptist Church.  The week can take so much out of me and yet I am fully restored with His word after a Sunday morning sermon delivered by the most awesome Pastor!

This morning I stood on stage and sang with the choir..."Made To Worship", "Nothing But The Blood Of Jesus", "I Love Thee, Lord", and "He Is Good!" I felt the Holy Spirit consume me with His love...

This mornings sermon was titled, "Affairs of the Heart.".....yes, God knows, and He delivered to me a sermon that flowed straight to the depths of my heart. 

Pastor Mark's words thrust their way to my soul..."invite Him in to do His work!" 

Yes, I have invited Him in...in fact, tomorrow will mark one year ago that I opened my heart to Jesus (stay tuned for a "Happy CHRISTIAN Birthday" post tomorrow), but I haven't always let Him do his work...

The following is a recap of the notes I took during the sermon:
We are to put our faith completely in Christ, wholly reliant on grace and the Holy Spirit and not on any standards, laws, rules, or ethics. There are no Christian morals to guide us but only the Holy Spirit, which teaches us to say "No" to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live like Christ wants us to live.

We are not to stand on or hide in the gallery of conventional tradition, but fully position ourselves in Christ, being unified in the person in Him and the work of Him.

Most of malaise will melt away if we return to Christ...
 
The life of Jesus within us only happens if we open the door to Him, allowing Him access to our deep, inner selves where He desires to conform us to His image, living His life within us.  Keeping His word goes beyond obedience...it means creating an intimate fellowship where we can make our home with Him (John 8:31) and He with us.

This is the freedom He desires to bring us to.....

A Highlighted Bible...

My eyes sting this morning...

A night spent with my Bible, a highlighter and a background of soft music (Chris Tomblin, to be exact).

My face is swollen and tight with dried up tears. My heart was heavy, but now is full of Christ...

Allow me to share....

Most recently I have lost my way from the path of Jesus. I took my focus off of Christ, and placed it elsewhere. My flesh craved the "feel good" and I struggled with my spirit screaming in my ear that the choices I have made are not for Christs will.

I cried out for my Savior last night...I specifically asked for Him to show Himself to me...

And He did. Through the words of my Bible. His words...

I vigilantly prayed out loud and I thirstily highlighted His words...repeatedly reading each prayer.

The Holy Spirit kept me hungry to know more of Christ's word.  I felt encouraged...

Personal obedience...for which I have struggled with for many years...

Personal obedience compels me...that I might share and model Him to a weary world...a weary me...

For these are the words that I read:

Ephesians 3:13-19


"Therefore I ask you not to lose heart at my tribulations on your behalf, for they are your glory. For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name, that He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with power through His Spirit in the inner man, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; and that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled up to all the fullness of God."

There is no doubt that God loves us. If there is anything that I know about my Father, it must be this; that He loves me more than anything in the whole world...

So why do I fail?  Why do I allow the disobedience in my life?  Why do I blind myself to His love?

Because I allow myself to think with my flesh...

And then I highlight 2 Corinthians 12:

"Because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, for this reason, to keep me from exalting myself, there was given me a thorn in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to torment me--to keep me from exalting myself! Concerning this I implored the Lord three times that it might leave me. And He has said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness " Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ's sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong."


Do you see what has happened?  Allow me to explain...

Satan has done his very best to push me down....

And yet all he has done is push me to my knees...and allowed for me to find my way in Christ once more. 

Lord God, I am on my knees before you...the acknowledgement of my sin and my wicked nature motivates me to draw closer and closer to you.  I am asking you Lord God to prompt me with your Holy Spirit and aid me in growth towards you and to apply your word to my everyday life.  I ask that you take my life and use it towards your Glory, for I have never desired anything more than your word in my heart at this moment.  I pray to you God that in your wisdom you will use my weakness to continue to look towards you in the days ahead.  God, I don't pretend to have all the answers and I certainly do not pretend to be something that I am not.  God I try to be truthful regarding my walk with you, I place my weaknesses before the world only to show the world that I need a Savior and a Savior I have received. 

I repent, and I believe.  Jesus is the Faithful One. He will never leave me or forsake me. There is nothing I can do that will turn Him away....

These are the words that I now hold onto. 

I Need A Savior...All Over Again.

How many names can I use to explain the love of my Jesus,
the life that he gave and so many times will I praise you today.
I lift up my life ‘cause you’re always the same
And my offering to you I bring

Your name is Jesus. Your name is Jesus.
You’re the Wonderful, Counselor, my Friend.
You’re what I hold on to; I know that you brought me through
All the days of loss, to the cross you knew
I’d need a Savior.

How many songs can I sing to proclaim your wondrous love and beauty so great?
What would I say if you brought down the rain and everyday
I walk through the pain my heart would still say…

You’re what I hold on to; I know that you brought me through
All the days of loss, to the cross you knew
I’d need a Savior.
I’d need a Savior
I need you, Savior

*I ask special prayer from all of you. I. Need. A. Savior.

Beauty And The Breasts....

As Valentines Day approaches, I recall the year 1993...Valentines Day was celebrated while I was attending William Woods (which at the time was an all girls college and Westminster, down the road, was an all boys college...my parents tell people that they paid for William Woods, but I attended Westminster...HA!)...

Anyway...my sorority (Delta Gamma, that's what I amma...)  ;) was hosting a Valentines Day "Sadie Hawkins" dance, meaning that the girls asked the boys to the dance....YES!

I knew immediately who I was going to ask to the dance...he was a Phi Delta Tau at Westminster...we had been dating for about four months....

Because it was Valentines Day and because it was a formal dance, I wanted everything to be special!  I found the perfect dress...pink sequin, tight, short...(remember, this is early 90's).  My hair was curled and pulled up with a few wispy curls that fell from he sides, my shoes were dyed to match the dress and I had borrowed beautiful jewelry from my mother...everything was PERFECT...

Except...

As I was dressing in my dorm room with my roommate and our suite mates,I pulled on the dress and my roommate commented, "You should stuff your bra tonight...it will fill the dress out a little more and you'll look fantastic!"

Ummm....fantastic...yep, that's the look I was going for....okay...

"What should I use to stuff my bra?" I asked my roommate.  "Here..." she replied as she grabbed a multi-colored blazer from her closet and tore out the shoulder pads (early 90's...don't forget)...

"Great idea!" I thought my roommate was a genius...I placed a shoulder pad on each side of my bra and turned to look at myself in the mirror....I looked exactly how I had envisioned....I was full of confidence (why shouldn't I have been, I weighed all of 110 pounds and had legs up to my ears)...I was ready to go to the dance.

The dance was held at a restaurant called Tonanzios in New Bloomfield, Missouri (approximately 15 minutes from where I went to college).  My date and I had a blast!  We danced all night with our friends...

And then...

It happened...

My date took me out on the dance floor for the last song of the night, Van Morrison's "My Brown Eyed Girl"...there we were...two kids cuttin' a rug in the middle of the dance floor, surrounded by all 120 of my Delta Gamma sisters and their dates....

And the shoulder pad on the left side of my bra popped out and fell to the floor....

You could almost hear the record player screech to a halt as my date bent over to pick up my "fake boob"....

My date:  "Um, this just fell out of your dress..."

Me (scarlet red): "No....no, I don't think so...where did that come from?"

My date:  "Uh...it came from your dress...and by the way, the other one is about to fall next.."

Me (looking down at my chest):  "What in the WORLD?!  What is happening?!  Whatever!  I'm am SO TOTALLY suing the dress maker...this dress is falling apart!"

My date:  "So, the dress came with shoulder pads in the breast area?"

Me:  "Duh!"

...and with that I stomped off the dance floor and fled to the ladies room where I sat and cried until it was time to load the bus and go back to the sorority house....

So my point in sharing this story is...it's not all about my hiney...it's about my breasts too!  ;)

To Make You Feel My Love...

Dear Hottie Husband,

I have been thinking about you so much lately, and I miss you terribly.  I call your cell phone just to listen to your voice message...and the sound of you makes me smile...

Earlier this evening I was in the car driving to church and I prayed out loud to God...

"Dear God, give me the strength I need to make it through this difficult challenge."

I allowed the tears to divulge my sorrow and I felt so weak...I hunger for you hottie husband...

And then...

Our song was played on the radio...a station that I do not normally listen to...one of the boys had changed the settings when I darted into the grocery store to pick up some milk.  I hadn't noticed that my station had been changed....

And I heard it....and I turned up the volume and I thought about our first dance as husband and wife.

I love you hottie husband...come home, so I can make you feel my love....

Therapy Tuesday...

I expose a LOT about myself here on my "online diary."  Does it make me uncomfortable to publish my flaws?  Sometimes...but it also makes me very real.  I have always been an "open book", so to speak, perhaps because as life continues I find that there are more and more people that face the same challenges, the same "what if''s" and the same fears that I confront.  I have tested the practice of "keeping things to myself" and I have discovered that suppressing my challenges and my fears only multiplies and festers my affairs, causing a great depression or withdrawal from those that I love.

And so...I choose to share.  I choose to shed light on my life situations as encouragement to others that can relate. 

But, I also choose to share as a resolution to others as to why I am a nut!  ;)

Tuesday evenings are a time set aside for me to meet with Dr. "Can-You-Fix-Crazy?"  (my therapist).  I L-O-V-E my Tuesday nights.  It's an opportunity for me to "lay on the couch" and uncover my extremely active imagination and all that swirls around it without the fear of being judged, and as an added bonus, I am given solutions or tips, advice if you will, on how to better "calm" my thoughts.  We dig deep sometimes to expose the roots of my quandaries....all of this for the low price of a $30 co-pay each week!  What a deal!

When the situation is appropriate (whoa! when did I become worried about being appropriate?), I will share with you bits and pieces of my conversations with Dr. "Can-You-Fix-Crazy?" in a segment that I will title "Therapy Tuesday..."

Settle in, my friends...for the first official posting of "Therapy Tuesday", an actual conversation that the good Dr. and I engaged in earlier this evening:

Dr.:  "Have you been working on visualizing placing your negative or overwhelming thoughts into a box and closing up the box?"

Me:  "Sort of."

Dr.:  "What do you mean 'sort of', how can you 'sort of' practice this technique?"

Me:  "Um, well...actually, I came up with a different solution, and I'm finding it to be fairly effective."

Dr.:  "Okay, how about you share your different solution, I'm interested."

Me:  "Well, you see, when a negative or overwhelming thought enters into my mind, I sort of shake my head....like I'm saying 'no' and I visualize shaking the thought out of my head...."

Dr.: (expressionless and speechless for what seemed like ten to fifteen minutes)

*I honestly sat there thinking to myself that the good doctor was amazed at how efficient and incredibly talented I am in developing this new and improved technique.  I was certain that she was going to ask me to sit in on other sessions and offer my intelligence as a cure to all of her patients....

I straightened my posture...ready to accept my praise.

Dr.:  "So, let me get this straight.  You have a negative thought, you shake your head 'no' and you visualize shaking that thought out of your head?" (she demonstrated my approach)...

Me:  (all smiles, so proud) "That's it!"

Dr.:  "And how is that working for you Betsy?"

Me:  "Um, well...today, somebody told me that they think I've developed a nervous tick."

Dr.:  "I'm shocked." 

*I could be wrong, but I think she said that sarcastically.

Fine.  I'll do it your way Dr. "Can-You-Fix-Crazy?"  I'll visualize the box...

Next weeks session topic:  How to control my newly developed tick.

Love Called, And I Answered!

Hottie husband called!!! 

He was sneaky and "camouflaged" a phone call....get it, "camouflaged"...I'm so clever, if I do say so myself!

Of course, now that I'm putting this on the www, I'm praying that his commanders don't read my blog...but I'm sure that they have better things to do then sit around reading "Giggles & Bits"....although, I totally think that reading my blog is both productive, entertaining and could help bring world peace....thoughts? 

I digress....

HOTTIE HUSBAND CALLED!!! 

Here is what he said (in a very hushed voice, so it is possible that I misunderstood the entire conversation, but here is what I heard, anyway):

HH:  "Hey babe!  I can't talk long...I'm totally breaking the rules right now and sneaking this phone call to you"

(okay, he didn't say totally...that's my word...but OMG it would be a huge turn on if he did say "totally")

Me:  "HONEY!!  OMG!!!  I'm SO happy to hear your voice....can you speak up?...I can't hear you...oh my gosh, you won't believe what happened at work the other day.."

HH (breaking into my thought process):  "Yeah, babe, it's not about you right now...I can't talk long.."

Me (thinking to myself):  "What?  It's not about me?  When did that happen?"

HH:  "So, here is the deal, I'm back in Ashland, Nebraska.  I still won't be able to contact you for a few more days, BUT the good news is, we have a test coming up on Friday and if I pass I can come home on Saturday!"

Me (still thinking to myself):  "I can't believe it's not about me...I mean, it's always about me...doesn't he want to know that the girls from work and I went to lunch at Dragon Kitchen last week and I NEVER go to Dragon Kitchen because it's filthy dirty...."

HH:  "Babe?  Did you hear me?  I'm coming home!"

Me:  "Yeah, and I just want to say, you better study your assets off, because if you leave me alone with the kids and the household duties for another week.....well....then you should just plan on finding a home in Ashland, Nebraska.  Now......get to crackin' some books, babe.  Good luck.  And when you get home...it's SO gonna be ALL. ABOUT. ME!"

HH:  "Gosh I miss you....and when I come home on Saturday, I'm totally going to take you out to buy you a new pair of shoes!"

*Okay, I made that last part up....but wouldn't THAT have been awesome?! 

HOTTIE HUSBAND IS COMING HOME!!!!!

Crap, I gotta go hide all the shopping bags!  JUST KIDDING!  ;)

The Four "R's"...

Thanks be to God for lifting my family and me up and bringing us to a most AWESOME church, church family and INCREDIBLE Pastor!  February 17th will mark one year...one year ago I asked Jesus to forgive me of my sins, to show me His will in my life and take over my heart.  One year ago, a different sort of Savior invited me to church and I never stopped going...

My family has seen Real. Life. Change.  The spiritual growth that we have experienced together over the past year is a testament to our Lord and our Savior.  He has come into our lives and our hearts and made us whole...and with it He brings peace, happiness and a love like we have never known before.

Thanks be to God...God IS good!

This morning's sermon couldn't have come at a better time...titled, "Keeping a Focused Heart," Pastor Mark reminded us that we all get off course at different times in our lives, but we must remember to regain focus and get back on the right track...the track of following Jesus and living by His will.

Setting my pride aside, I admit that I have steered off the course.  I have allowed Satan to tell me lies....for 35 years I have listened to Satan tell me that I am not good enough, I am not pretty enough, I am not smart enough...my sins are too great, I've hurt too many people, I've broken too many rules....the list goes on and on. 

And then I heard Jesus tell me the truth...I felt him scoop me up in his arms when I asked for his forgiveness.  I cried out to Him that I want to hear His voice, I want to do His will, I want to follow in His footsteps. 

And my life changed.

But there are times when Satan snakes his way into the deepest part of me, the places where I have suppressed the pain and the ugliness and he scrapes it from it's deception and he shoves it in my face.  And I am thrown off the course of Jesus. 

But the beauty in all of this is that Jesus never. lets. go.  He holds strong, growing His roots deeper into my heart and my soul.  He reminds me that Satan is a liar...He shines the Light into my path and He guides me back to His way, His will.  He uses His hands to ladle the pain and the ugliness and release me from the lies...He assumes all my suffering...because I believe in Him, and only Him.

And so, this morning, Pastor Mark offered the Four "R's"...for when we are thrown off course...

A "remedy" (that's not one of the four "R's") to set us back on track.


Number 1.  Reflect:  Remember our original vision and goals.

*I remember very clearly what my vision and my goals were and are.  I remember seeing myself as someone who can relate to those who may be lost and feel as if they will never be found, or can't be found.  Someone who knows what it is to go through life without a relationship with Jesus...living selfishly, choosing to hear Satan.  Someone that can speak the truth to these people...someone who can say, "Look at me...gaze upon who I was and see who I am now."  My goal is to find my way to the Kingdom.  My goal is to raise my family to believe in Jesus, to develop a personal relationship with Him and to live by His will.  I see myself as using the love of Jesus Christ when I am in pain or when I begin to steer off the path...to reflect on my past and the suffering I endured and to realize that where I am now is a beautiful place and it only gets better.

Number 2.  Repent:  Return to the course, make constant corrections!

*Friday evening I asked for my Savior.  I needed to repent, asking for forgiveness for stumbling, for veering off the path.  I've made a list in my prayer journal....between my Savior and me.

Number 3.  Restore:  Create one top priority each week. 

*My priorities will consist of creating more prayer time, more one on one with Jesus, letting go of what is holding me back (this is HUGE for me), learning to trust in Jesus fully and without hesitation. 

Number 4.  Recognize:  God rewards fruit, not activity!

*We are to faithfully serve, to minister for God.  If we are doing our best to faithfully serve Him then He is thrilled with us. God does not evaluate us by the results we produce, but by the faithfulness of our service. Anyone can serve God when things are going great, but to faithfully serve when we don’t see the results brings greater pleasure to God and reward to us.

I am confident that God has created a good work in me...I am a work in progress, I often stumble, but I will keep my eyes on the Lord and the path he has chosen for me.  I will continue to Reflect, Repent, Restore and to Recognize. 

Psalm 51:12 "Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me."

I have visions of what is possible...and that, my friends, is a beautiful sight! 

A Pedicure For Jesus...

You know the saying, "lay your burdens at Jesus's feet"...

After my prayers last night, I think I owe Jesus a pedicure.

I'm just sayin'

(in the meantime, I gave myself a home pedi...and I adore my new nail polish, OPI's "Big Apple Red", just in time for my upcoming NYC trip!)

I Need A Savior....(Part Three)

This has been one hell of a week.  Pardon my language...but call a spade a spade, right?  Yesterday marked the end of one week since hottie husband left for training with the National Guard.  Tomorrow will mark one week since I last heard from hottie husband.  This challenge is proving to be one of my most difficult to date...

Last weekend I spent the majority of the weekend in my bed, sick and lethargic with high fevers.  My motherly duties were ignored and I shoved dvd's in the player as a source of help in keeping the boys content and quiet.  Laundry began to take the form of mountains and clean dishes were a rarity.  The obsessive compulsive in me was reeling at the site of my flawed home. 

Monday through Wednesday I was at home with my two youngest boys, who apparently picked up my virus.  Still healing from a vicious flu bug, I was solo in my efforts to catch up on the laundry as it continued to be added to with puked on comforters, sheets and bath mats.  Groceries were running low and I needed to leave the house to pick up a few staples, but didn't have the nerve to ask anyone to stay with my sick children.  Finally, on Wednesday evening I was able to make a quick trip to the store while my oldest son stayed with his brothers.

Tuesday evening I spent time with my therapist and a breakthrough was achieved...but it did not come easily.  My breakthrough was tangled in with resurrecting years of pain and conflict, negligence, selfishness, divorce, embarrassment, resentment and unforgiving...debilitating, to say the least. 

Confidence has plummeted.  Doubt has crept in.  Anger has consumed me.  Temptation is overwhelming.  My vision seems blurred and some of the decisions I have made this week reflect all of these circumstances.

Conviction has overwhelmed me.  There is a heaviness on my heart.  I have realized that in many situations this past week I have lived outside the will of God.  I have been in error, I have felt a spiritual slide...and I am here, now, asking for my Savior. 

I need forgiveness.  I need His love and His understanding.  My conviction is leading me to repentance and salvation...two gifts that I am unashamedly asking for...

Isaiah 41:10  "Fear not for I am with you. Be not dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you , yes I will help you with My righteous hand..."

I say these words out loud.  I write these words in my prayer journal.  God will strengthen me, He will help me with his righteous hand.  He is with me, do not be dismayed...

Again, I let go of my pride, I set aside any ego, and I shout..."I need you, Savior." 

And I allow the tears to saturate my pillow as I can physically feel His arms around me, filling me with His love and His peace, reminding me to "Be still and know that He is God."

These Are A Few Of My Favorite Things....

*I got this post idea from Natalie over at The Pampered Mom!

Everyone knows that I'm a shopper.  I LOVE to shop!  (Although this year I promised Hottie Husband that I would become more frugal...a frugalista...so, my days of shopping have been limited).

There are some material things in this world that I just can't live without.  So...."when the dog bites, when the bee stings, when I'm feeling sad, I simply remember my favorite things, and then I don't feel so bad!"

Daviness "Love" smoothing shampoo and conditioner.  You can turn it upside-down, and the conditioner wonʼt budge, itʼs that gorgeously thick, so you can imagine what itʼll do to your hair!  But really, itʼs all about getting that strangely luxurious, so comfortably lab-like packaging into your shower…Can be found at The Loft Salon in Jefferson City.

Clinique Liquid Facial Soap (for oily skin). It's like soap seduction....seriously. 

Philosophy's "Kiss Me" lip gloss. Intense lip therapy while giving a hint of color and shine.  I love the smell and the taste...so does hottie husband.  ;)

Victoria Secret "Very Sexy" perfume (I also use the body lotion and mist). My OCD kicks in when it comes to smelling good, admittedly I have approximately six different perfumes, but Very Sexy is by far my favorite! 

OPI nail polish in "Commander in Chic", in honor of hottie husband. The day before hottie husband left for his training I had a mani and a pedi done using this nail polish ....it's the only thing I wore that night, if you know what I mean! ;)

My "Chi" flat iron. OMG, Chi makes ALL the difference in smoothing out the hair cuticle. LOVE IT! And it's pink to boot!


*Can you tell that pink is my favorite color?

"Chi" silk infusion hair product. I use this after I flat iron my hair to give my hair that silky shine and soft touch!

(Sorry the photo is so blurry, I took it with my cell phone and it's the best I could get) My zebra high heels.  I ADORE these shoes, but I only wear them on really special occasions.  They absolutely murder my feet...my goodness they HURT after about an hour...but hey, sometimes it hurts to be sexy.  Right?

What are some of your favorite things?

I Just Peed My Pants A Little....

This commercial is HI-LARIOUS!  I mean, Hi- to the Larious!!!  Genius!  Turn up the volume!  Enjoy!

You've Got Mail....

This business of not being able to talk to hottie husband is really starting to tick me off...

I mean, I'm not trying to make it all about me, okay...I am making it all about me....

There are times that I REALLY need to talk to hottie husband....times I need to share with him the STUPID things I say and have him look deep into my eyes, wrap his arms around me and softly say, "Oh baby, that's why I married you...because you are so....funny like that."

And so I have decided that for the next few weeks I am going to "write" hottie husband...this way he can catch up when he returns.

Here is my first "letter":

Dear Hottie Husband,

Today I had the brilliant idea of calling around for estimates for someone to come clean up the scraps and remnants of wood and tile from the remodel downstairs.  As you are well aware, this has really been a source of annoyance and stress for me over the past several weeks.  I find it difficult to understand how you can possibly continue on the project with all this junk laying around. 

I wanted to surprise you, having the basement all cleaned up and organized, upon your return home.  Then we could finally put the finishing touches on our master bedroom and move the Willy Wonka bed out of our family room and life would return to normal!

I called X company this morning and a very nice, young gentleman answered the phone...this is how the conversation went, (pay very close attention here, my love...):

Contractor:  "Thank you for calling X company, how may I help you?"

Me:  "Good morning.  My name is Betsy Dudenhoeffer (remind me NEVER to give my name up front like that EVER again...it could have saved me a TREMENDOUS amount of embarrassment...you will see why), and my husband and I are doing a sort of 'do it yourself' home remodel in our master bedroom."

Contractor:  "Okay."

Me:  "Well, my problem is, this has been going on for almost two years now and I'm going crazy!  My husband has been away a lot and now he is gone again for six weeks and I am wondering how much would it cost to have some big burly men come out with their big tools and finish up the job to satisfy me?"

Silence.....

Me:  "Wait.  Let me rephrase that...."

Very uncomfortable silence....

Me:  "I think I just heard my doorbell, I'll call you back." 

Click.

Me (inside my head):  "Oh MY GOSH....I told him my name!"

And so dear hottie husband...I need you to once again flash me that darling smile of yours and tell me that the gentleman on the other end probably doesn't even remember what I said my name was, as you secretly laugh inside knowing that they grabbed a phone book and looked up our address.

Forever speaking out before thinking,

Pay It Forward...

I had the most amazing experience earlier this evening...

I'm on day two of being at home with sick boys.  Benjamin is just beginning to feel better after an awful battle with the flu.  I've been lost in a mountain of laundry...bed sheets, towels, pajamas...

Earlier this evening I headed to Walmart to pick up more Tylenol Flu, 7-Up, Lipton Chicken Noodle Soup and Popsicles.  I haven't been out for a few days so I decided to pick up a few other things such as body wash, dish detergent, frozen meat, bread and other odds and ends. 

This next bit of information may seem irrelevant to this story, but I assure you it is important...

I was wearing a pair of jogging pants along with hottie husbands National Guard shirt, a red, synthetic top that reads "National Guard" on the front left breast and "Proud to serve my country" on the back.  As I stood in the check out line watching the cashier scan my items, a gentleman (he looked to be in his late 50's early 60's) stood behind me and called out, "excuse me mam"...

I turned and smiled, "yes?"  "Do you serve in the National Guard?" he questioned.  "Oh, no, I don't, but my husband does."  He smiled back, "That's fantastic!  What does he do?"  "He works with helicopters" I responded.  "Has he been in the guard long?" the curious gentleman asked.  "Total, about seven years."  I suddenly began to feel comfortable with this stranger, like I had known him all my life...I continued...."In fact, he is away right now for a few weeks.  He's in Fort Ashland, Nebraska for a training course."  I felt a lump rise in my throat as the words brought a stinging pain to my heart, remembering that our communication has been revoked until he returns...a challenge I am finding difficult to deal with.

The cashier rang up the total, "Your total comes to $82.76".  I reached for my wallet when I saw the strangers arm reach out towards the cashier...."I would like to pay for this young lady's groceries please" the man demanded.  I was stunned..."Oh my goodness, no...no...that is not necessary."  "I insist" he countered.  "That is very sweet of you to offer, but I can't let you do that."  "I want to do this...as a thank you to your husband....God bless your family."  He smiled and he pushed the card into the cashier's hand and said, "thank you." 

I felt my eyes sting with tears...I could not believe what was happening.  "Can I at least get your name and address so I can write you a thank you note?"  It seemed silly after I said it...but I wanted to do more than just say thank you.  "That won't be necessary, I'm just grateful for people like your husband...and for people like you, who support and love these young men, God bless." 

What an amazing miracle.  Three days ago my husband called to say I wouldn't hear from him for the next few weeks...he confided in me that this training was the most difficult training he has ever attended, he felt defeated, he missed me and the boys terribly....for three days I have cried myself to sleep with worry and hurt for my husband.  My heart has been overwhelmed with a love and proudness for this wonderful man that I took as my life partner, my best friend and my lover....

And earlier this evening, God sent an angel to assure me that I'm not the only one that is so very thankful for the good people like my husband.  An angel in flesh to help me understand that all is well...

God bless you, whoever you are.  You have touched my heart in such an incredible way. 

Pandora's Box...

"You have got to control your negative thoughts."

"Why do you always resort to the worst possible situation/outcome?"

"You have a lot of unhealthy thoughts up there, don't you?"

These are all things that various people have said to me over the years.  It's no secret that my mind stumbles over the "what ifs" and "whys".  For thirty-five years I've lived comfortably with thinking the worst, because the worst seems to be the repeated result in many of my life situations...

After a very brief conversation with hottie husband last night (he is away with the National Guard for the next few weeks) he informed me that I wouldn't hear from him for the remainder of his time away.  This training course is very similar to boot camp and hottie husband isn't twenty-two any more...and it's no secret that he's a little over weight.  This time around he feels defeated and he's trying his hardest to keep positive.  Contact has been limited, therefore last night's conversation was likely our last until he returns home...

Of course this set my mind into overdrive....

"What if he is hurt?"  "What if he's really in Iraq, fighting in the War and he doesn't come home?"  "What if something happens to one of the boys and I can't get a hold of my husband?"....

A melt down was bound to happen...and at approximately 6:15 this morning, the tears spilled over. 

The blessing in all of this is that I am now surrounded by people that love and care for me, not just my family, but people that I consider my spiritual mentor's...

I was challenged this morning to "take control of my thoughts..."  Honestly, I didn't know what that meant...how does one control their thoughts?  Is it easier said than done?

I've pondered this challenge all day...and I took it to my therapist, here is what she suggested:

"When the thoughts are overwhelming, create a visualization...visualize taking a box and putting all those thoughts into the box and closing it up."

Good advice...

I've taken it further....

Not only am I going to visualize taking my overwhelming thoughts and dumping them into a box and closing it up...I am also going to visualize handing that box over to Jesus for Him to hold for me.  Jeremiah 6:16 This is what the LORD says: "Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is, and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls.

Here are the truths:

Jesus is not the author of confusion
Jesus wants to give me peace
Jesus will give me wisdom, I only need to ask

Everything else raging through my head and my heart are emotions, and cannot be trusted.  I will focus on these truths...I will accept this challenge...


...through faith, I will surrender. 

There Was A Full Moon On Friday Night...

I think I'm past the pain....

past the humiliation...

past the point of no return, as they say....

For those of you who follow my blog, do any of you ever wonder how I continue on in my life?  Do any of you doubt the perpetual craziness that boils in my head?  It is the moments like I am about to reveal to you that agitate that craziness....

Sit back, my friends, enjoy what could easy be another most embarrassing moment in the life of Betsy...


**Warning...Inappropriate Self Disclosure....

As a quick side note, I should mention that I very rarely wear underwear (sorry mom...I know this is a nightmare for you)!

So, Friday night was the Chamber Gala and I spent hours getting all gussied up...hair was curled tightly in an "up do", makeup was applied to perfection, pearl necklace was borrowed from my aunt, black dress, neatly pressed, sparkly black high heels were bought for the occasion....

I pulled my grandmother's Pendleton coat from the coat closet...floor length, gray wool, like something from the movies that Audrey Hepburn would wear....I adore it!  I draped the coat over my shoulders and stepped into my chariot...(okay, so it was my Trail Blazer...a girl can dream, can't she?)....

I arrived a few moments after six...the Capital Plaza, brightly lit, ladies being dropped off at the front door while their husbands parked the car...(me...yes, well...hottie husband is away with the National Guard for a few weeks, so I parked my car all by myself and walked the four flights of steps in the zero degree weather, in four inch heels I might add)...

I entered the atrium...overflowing with the "who's who" of Jefferson City, Missouri.  Men stood in black tuxedos next to their wives who wore sequins and taffeta, sipping on their white wines and pink blushes...

I walked towards the coat check in, taking my place in the long line, watching the line grow behind me.  I stood, Pendleton coat still on, rubbing elbows with the elite as I waited my turn to check in my own coat...

Take a deep breath folks....this is where it gets ugly...

As I advanced upon the check in counter I began to slowly gather my coat off my shoulders, releasing my right arm out of the coat, allowing the fabric to fall to the other side as I pulled the coat completely off....

wait for it....

Gentleman (who by the way is a local business owner and among what you might call the "elite" in JC):  "Whoops..."

Lovely Lady (also a local business owner, married to the brother of said gentleman above): "Oh Betsy!  Your dress!!!"

That's when I felt it...

The breeze.

Yes...static electricity is a wicked, wicked thing. 

My grandmother's coat was FULL of static electricity, which in turn transferred to my dress...

and my dress was up around my waist....baring my assets...all of it. 

*Remember inappropriate self disclosure above.....

Yep. 

There was a full moon on Friday night...right there in the atrium of the Chamber Gala!