Thursday, November 12, 2009

Master Cleanse...

I know I have said this before...


I am totally SERIOUS this time...



This week I have gotten up at the crack *butt* of dawn and met my sister-in-law at the YMCA to lift weights and do cardio.

I have ALSO really watched what I am eating...(except today I watched a Ruben sandwich and onion rings as well as a strawberry hot fudge concrete go into my mouth, what? Culver's just opened...cut me some slack!).

So, I called my sister-by-another-mister (her dad is my step-dad, but we share the same mom) and asked for her advice (she's BIG on yoga and nutrition, everything natural...she's what I call a "tree hugger" or a "fool").  Here is how the conversation went:

Jordan (my sister):  "Yo!" (she's still really young folks, so she talks differently than we adults do).

Me: "Sup" (I have to try to talk like her so she will understand).

Jordan:  "Not much, just chillin"

Me:  "Great. So, the purpose of my call is that I am determined to loose some baggage and I know you are up on all this healthy crap, so I thought maybe you know of some good diet tips that might help me and motivate me..."

Jordan:  "For sure.  That's awesome.  Actually, you should start with a cleanse."

Me:  "A cleanse?  I already shower twice a day, Jordan."

Jordan:  "Yeah, I'm talking cleansing the INSIDE of your body.  It's a 10 day program and it totally cleans your system out.  It's really good for you, for your colon and for your intestines, and you can loose anywhere between 7-10 pounds in 10 days.  It's a great kick start."

Me:  "So, what do I do?"

Jordan:  "You drink a concoction of 2 Tablespoons of organic lemon juice, 2 Tablespoons of organic grade B maple syrup, 1/10 Teaspoon ground cayenne pepper, and 10 oz of filtered water.  That's it.  That's all you can have for 10 days.  And I know you are going to think you can't do it, but you can.  I do it all the time!"

Me:  "Does it work?  How do you know it works?  How do you know that it's really cleaning your system?"

Jordan:  "Because it's been 2 years since I've had corn, and yesterday there was corn in my poop."

Me:  "I just vomited in my mouth a little."


  1. what?!?!?! seriously? why would it take two years to come out if the cleanse really works. That doesn't make sense in my head.

  2. I laughed the whole way through this post! Then started thinking "what was the recipe, again?"

  3. What exactly is organic Grade B maple syrup and where do you get it, and would it really not work if you used Aunt Jemima??

  4. i think you're beautiful just the way you are Betsy :)