Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Another Letter To Oprah....

Dear Oprah,

I just emailed another request for you to send that darling friend of yours, Nate, to make all my house dreams come true.  And, again I received a generic email from "the Oprah staff" stating that my email was delivered, but due to the high volume of emails you receive on a daily basis, not all emails can be answered, but I should be rest assured that my email was read. 

Give it to me straight O, are my emails being read?  Because I really feel like IF my emails ARE being read, then Nate would have been here three years ago when I first started emailing.

Oprah, I have adored you from the beginning.  You introduced me to every spiritual guru since the early 90’s and I can assure you that my inner chi is centered. I have explored, along with you, and practiced every dieting trend from low-fat to Acai berry. I’ve met all of your professional nutritionists from Rosie to Bob Greene. (And you know what? I'm still fat, just like you...)

My point is, I've stuck with you.  I have endorsed you when others wrote hate mail.  I continue to TiVo your talk show every single day, even the re-runs, and I watch and I learn....

So WHY?  Why won't you send Nate to my house?  Do you even know that my king size bed is sitting in our family room, waiting for our master bedroom to be completed?  Yeah, we call it the "Willy Wonka" bed, because like on Willy Wonka, we sleep together in our bed...IN THE FAMILYROOM! 

So please, Oprah, please send Nate to my house.  At least the madness and the stalking can finally come to an end...all you have to do is SEND NATE!

Yours truly,

P.S.  If ever there is a movie to be made of my life, I totally would want you to play Jane, my therapist.

1 comment:

  1. How could the O staff ever reply with a auto reply form letter to a nice letter like this? Too funny Betsy!! Love it!