Saturday, May 22, 2010

The Big 10...


Our middle son is TEN years old today!!

TEN YEARS!?!

Ten years ago today, hottie husband and I checked in at St. Mary's Hospital for a scheduled inducement (is that right?  It looks funny)...

Jackson was two weeks and one day over his due date, and I was READY to POP!

I had already been through one birthing experience with my oldest four years earlier, so I was completely calm and collected...Hayden's delivery was a piece of cake (of course I had an epidural and didn't feel anything during the delivery).

Jackson was hottie husbands first birthing experience...he was calm on the outside, but a wreck on the inside...so full of excitement!

I had been checked in, changed into a hospital gown and my IV had been started with a slow drip of pitocin to encourage the birth to move along...

That was at 8:30 am. 

At 9:30 am the nurse came into our room and checked my progress...

Me:  (feeling the contractions)  "Can I have my epidural now?"
Nurse Ratched:  "No.  You are only 2 centimeters dilated, you cannot
have the epidural until you are at least 4 centimeters!"

10:30 am...

Me:  (really feeling the contractions)  "Please, Please can I have the epidural now?"
Nurse Ratched:  "You are still only 2 centimeters dilated."
Me:  "Please, I'm begging you...I can't handle the pain!"
Nurse Ratched:  "Stop it.  You will be fine, practice your breathing exercises."
Me: "@$%#@#@!" (under my breath, of course)

11:00 am...

Me:  (groaning) "Honey, I think you should go get the nurse, something doesn't feel right."
Hottie Husband:  "Betsy, the nurse was just here, you are fine.  Suck it up"
(Okay, that might be a slight exaggeration)
Me:  "Honey, please, I'm serious...I feel the urge to push."
Hottie Husband:  "Fine.  I'll be right back..."

Hottie Husband *sauntered* his way to the nurses station....

Hottie Husband:  "Um, excuse me...my wife thinks she needs to be checked?"
Nurse Ratched:  "I'll be there in a moment"

11:10 am...

Nurse Ratched *sauntered* into our room and lifts the bed sheet to check me...

Nurse Ratched:  (screaming) "OMG! Push the red button!!"
Hottie Husband:  "What?!!!??!!"
Nurse Ratched:  "PUSH THE RED BUTTON!!!"

Hottie Husband pushed the red button on the wall and an army of nurses bound into our room...

Me:  "What's going on?!" (as I SCREAM in pain)
Nurse Ratched:  "The doctor is on the way Betsy, your baby is coming...DO NOT PUSH!"
Me:  "Oh good...can I have my epidural now?"
Nurse Ratched:  "It's too late now, the baby is coming!"
Me:  "EXCUSE ME??!!  NO WAY!!!  I AM NOT HAVING THIS BABY WITHOUT
AN EPIDURAL!!  I TOLD YOU I NEEDED THAT EPIDURAL...I..."
Nurse Ratched:  (cutting me off) "BETSY DO NOT PUSH!!"
Me:  "SCREW YOU!"

and I pushed...

...just as the doctor flew into the room and shoved her arms into the protective gown...

...and I screamed...

"KILL ME NOW!  I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!"


And the doctor grabbed Jackson and said...

"It's a BOY!"

Doctor:  "He's beautiful!  Say hello to your baby boy!"
Hottie Husband:  (crying) "OMG, look at him!  I love him so much!  Isn't he beautiful?"



Me:  "Can I have an epidural now?"

Jackson Matthew Dudenhoeffer
May 22, 2000

11:20 am


5 comments:

  1. That is hilarious...and I can see you saying it. That is absolutely too funny.

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  2. Happy birthday Jackson, and i love that name!

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  3. Happy Birthday cutie pie Jackson!! Wanna go camping?

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  4. Oh my gosh, that is hillarious! I would have pushed too :)

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  5. With my first, I was in a Catholic hospital. I had something? that made me loopy. I remember a sweet little nun whispering in my ear, "don't push honey." I couldn't speak but in my head I was screaming at her, "I'm not, my body is!!!!" Happy belated birthday, Jackson.

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