Our middle son is TEN years old today!!
Ten years ago today, hottie husband and I checked in at St. Mary's Hospital for a scheduled inducement (is that right? It looks funny)...
Jackson was two weeks and one day over his due date, and I was READY to POP!
I had already been through one birthing experience with my oldest four years earlier, so I was completely calm and collected...Hayden's delivery was a piece of cake (of course I had an epidural and didn't feel anything during the delivery).
Jackson was hottie husbands first birthing experience...he was calm on the outside, but a wreck on the inside...so full of excitement!
I had been checked in, changed into a hospital gown and my IV had been started with a slow drip of pitocin to encourage the birth to move along...
That was at 8:30 am.
At 9:30 am the nurse came into our room and checked my progress...
Me: (feeling the contractions) "Can I have my epidural now?"
Nurse Ratched: "No. You are only 2 centimeters dilated, you cannot
have the epidural until you are at least 4 centimeters!"
Me: (really feeling the contractions) "Please, Please can I have the epidural now?"
Nurse Ratched: "You are still only 2 centimeters dilated."
Me: "Please, I'm begging you...I can't handle the pain!"
Nurse Ratched: "Stop it. You will be fine, practice your breathing exercises."
Me: "@$%#@#@!" (under my breath, of course)
Me: (groaning) "Honey, I think you should go get the nurse, something doesn't feel right."
Hottie Husband: "Betsy, the nurse was just here, you are fine. Suck it up"
(Okay, that might be a slight exaggeration)
Me: "Honey, please, I'm serious...I feel the urge to push."
Hottie Husband: "Fine. I'll be right back..."
Hottie Husband *sauntered* his way to the nurses station....
Hottie Husband: "Um, excuse me...my wife thinks she needs to be checked?"
Nurse Ratched: "I'll be there in a moment"
Nurse Ratched *sauntered* into our room and lifts the bed sheet to check me...
Nurse Ratched: (screaming) "OMG! Push the red button!!"
Hottie Husband: "What?!!!??!!"
Nurse Ratched: "PUSH THE RED BUTTON!!!"
Hottie Husband pushed the red button on the wall and an army of nurses bound into our room...
Me: "What's going on?!" (as I SCREAM in pain)
Nurse Ratched: "The doctor is on the way Betsy, your baby is coming...DO NOT PUSH!"
Me: "Oh good...can I have my epidural now?"
Nurse Ratched: "It's too late now, the baby is coming!"
Me: "EXCUSE ME??!! NO WAY!!! I AM NOT HAVING THIS BABY WITHOUT
AN EPIDURAL!! I TOLD YOU I NEEDED THAT EPIDURAL...I..."
Nurse Ratched: (cutting me off) "BETSY DO NOT PUSH!!"
Me: "SCREW YOU!"
and I pushed...
...just as the doctor flew into the room and shoved her arms into the protective gown...
...and I screamed...
"KILL ME NOW! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!"
And the doctor grabbed Jackson and said...
"It's a BOY!"
Doctor: "He's beautiful! Say hello to your baby boy!"
Hottie Husband: (crying) "OMG, look at him! I love him so much! Isn't he beautiful?"
Me: "Can I have an epidural now?"
Jackson Matthew Dudenhoeffer
May 22, 2000