Temporary Insanity...

Please pardon me as I take a temporary break from blogging (I'm hoping no more than a few days)...

...my family is currently experiencing some major drama.

Here is a taste...

My uncle, at the young age of 50, was found dead yesterday in his hotel room in Ireland (he was traveling on business). They believe he suffered a heart attack from a blood clot that dislodged and traveled to his heart.

My brother (age 31) was admitted to the ICU at the University Hospital this morning. He has lost a LOT of blood and is currently receiving a transfusion. Although they have given him 2 pints already, he is still loosing blood, and the doctors cannot figure out why or where. He does have Crohn's Disease and they have located a second area in his intestines.

I will have surgery next week and begin radiation treatments for the melanoma that I was diagnosed with last week.

My parents need to have their house of 26 years packed and moved out of by August first. They will be moving to a one level home for the sake of my dad's MS and how he has quickly deteriorated...

...and of course, we are all anticipating my mother to simply combust under the pressure...

...we will deal with that when it happens.

Man Cold...

Impostor!

I have a fake nose.

Well, it's not fake...it's real, but it's not the nose I was born with.

Catch my drift?

A few weeks ago while I was "camping", I confided in my sweet, darling, little friend Caraline my deep, dark secret...

~ * ~

This past Sunday Caraline and I sat next to one another in church.  Pastor Mark began his sermon: (the sermon was about bearing good fruit and really living a God filled life)

Pastor:  "Someone in this room is an impostor!"

Caraline:  (leaning over to whisper in my ear):

"I think he's talking about you, because you have a fake nose!"

Good point, but I'm pretty sure that isn't what Pastor Mark was talking about!

The Big 10...

Our middle son is TEN years old today!!

TEN YEARS!?!

Ten years ago today, hottie husband and I checked in at St. Mary's Hospital for a scheduled inducement (is that right?  It looks funny)...

Jackson was two weeks and one day over his due date, and I was READY to POP!

I had already been through one birthing experience with my oldest four years earlier, so I was completely calm and collected...Hayden's delivery was a piece of cake (of course I had an epidural and didn't feel anything during the delivery).

Jackson was hottie husbands first birthing experience...he was calm on the outside, but a wreck on the inside...so full of excitement!

I had been checked in, changed into a hospital gown and my IV had been started with a slow drip of pitocin to encourage the birth to move along...

That was at 8:30 am. 

At 9:30 am the nurse came into our room and checked my progress...

Me:  (feeling the contractions)  "Can I have my epidural now?"

Nurse Ratched:  "No.  You are only 2 centimeters dilated, you cannot

have the epidural until you are at least 4 centimeters!"

10:30 am...

Me:  (really feeling the contractions)  "Please, Please can I have the epidural now?"

Nurse Ratched:  "You are still only 2 centimeters dilated."

Me:  "Please, I'm begging you...I can't handle the pain!"

Nurse Ratched:  "Stop it.  You will be fine, practice your breathing exercises."

Me: "@$%#@#@!" (under my breath, of course)

11:00 am...

Me:  (groaning) "Honey, I think you should go get the nurse, something doesn't feel right."

Hottie Husband:  "Betsy, the nurse was just here, you are fine.  Suck it up"

(Okay, that might be a slight exaggeration)

Me:  "Honey, please, I'm serious...I feel the urge to push."

Hottie Husband:  "Fine.  I'll be right back..."

Hottie Husband *sauntered* his way to the nurses station....

Hottie Husband:  "Um, excuse me...my wife thinks she needs to be checked?"

Nurse Ratched:  "I'll be there in a moment"

11:10 am...

Nurse Ratched *sauntered* into our room and lifts the bed sheet to check me...

Nurse Ratched:  (screaming) "OMG! Push the red button!!"

Hottie Husband:  "What?!!!??!!"

Nurse Ratched:  "PUSH THE RED BUTTON!!!"

Hottie Husband pushed the red button on the wall and an army of nurses bound into our room...

Me:  "What's going on?!" (as I SCREAM in pain)

Nurse Ratched:  "The doctor is on the way Betsy, your baby is coming...DO NOT PUSH!"

Me:  "Oh good...can I have my epidural now?"

Nurse Ratched:  "It's too late now, the baby is coming!"

Me:  "EXCUSE ME??!!  NO WAY!!!  I AM NOT HAVING THIS BABY WITHOUT

AN EPIDURAL!!  I TOLD YOU I NEEDED THAT EPIDURAL...I..."

Nurse Ratched:  (cutting me off) "BETSY DO NOT PUSH!!"

Me:  "SCREW YOU!"

and I pushed...

...just as the doctor flew into the room and shoved her arms into the protective gown...

...and I screamed...

"KILL ME NOW!  I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!"

And the doctor grabbed Jackson and said...

"It's a BOY!"

Doctor:  "He's beautiful!  Say hello to your baby boy!"

Hottie Husband:  (crying) "OMG, look at him!  I love him so much!  Isn't he beautiful?"

Me:  "Can I have an epidural now?"

Jackson Matthew Dudenhoeffer

May 22, 2000

11:20 am

Super Trooper...

Okay, I probably shouldn't be blogging about this...

...but I won't use any names.

So, it's no secret that I am the WORLD'S WORST driver.  It's not that I am a "bad" driver, it's that I get pulled over for traffic violations MORE THAN ANYONE YOU WILL EVER KNOW!

Seriously, I've had FIVE traffic violations in the past SIX months!

Several weeks ago I received a letter in the mail from the Department of Revenue stating that my license would be revoked if I provoke one more traffic violation.

As you can imagine, I've really been on my best behavior when it comes to milling around town...

...(or I haven't been caught).

Earlier this afternoon I was driving back to the office from a meeting when all of a sudden I see flashing lights in my rear view mirror...

Panic sets in...

...I quickly pull over on the side of the highway and  immediately start to cry!

As I'm watching in my rear view mirror I see the police officer step out of his vehicle and PERFECT! I know this guy!! 

Relief...

I jump out of my car and begin running towards Officer "I'm-so-glad-I-know-you-and-I-hope-you-like-me!"

Me:  "OMGosh...thank GOODNESS it's YOU!"

Officer:  (laughing) "I should have known it was you...trouble"

Me:  "No, seriously...if I get one more ticket, my license will be taken away..."

Officer:  "I've got a quota I've got to meet"

Me:  "Please!!  I'm begging you!  I'll lose my job!"

Officer:  "Bets, you were driving 15 miles over the speed limit!"

Me: "I'm sorry!  I was talking on the phone so I wasn't really paying attention..."

Me: "WAIT!  That probably didn't help me..."

Officer: (shaking his head) "Turn around, get back into your car, STAY OFF YOUR PHONE, SLOW DOWN and I don't want to hear another word of this!"

Me:  "OMGosh...THANK YOU!!  I'll buy you something..."

Officer:  "That turns this into bribery...just leave."

Me:  "Right."

What a SUPER TROOPER! 

Agreed?

The Funny Thing About Cancer...

Betsy Dudenhoeffer.  Age: 36.  Diagnosis: Melanoma.

(Dun, Dun, Dun....)

Family Doctor:  "Okay, there are three areas of concern on your back.  All three have tested positive for melanoma.  Today we will do a biopsy of the lymph nodes to determine if the cancer has spread.  I'll send the lab technician back to obtain the biopsy.  I'll need you to undress and put this gown on with the opening in the back."

...doctor exits the room, quietly shutting the door behind him.

*Silence*

Shoulder Angel: "Okay Bets, it's going to be okay.  We've got Jesus on our side!"

Shoulder Devil:  "Please.  Who are you trying to fool?  Didn't you see Grey's Anatomy?  Izzie died on the table!  The melanoma attached itself to her organs and she died!"

Shoulder Angel:  "Shut up Devil, Izzie didn't die, she lived...remember?  Dr. McDreamy brought her back to life!"

Shoulder Devil:  "Oh, yeah, right...as if that's real life."

Shoulder Angel:  "Um, and Grey's Anatomy is real life?"

Shoulder Devil:  "I'm just sayin'...this is number seven for Betsy, she's had skin cancer seven times!"

Shoulder Angel:  "I think the previous six times were to prepare her for this time...admittedly this is a bit more serious, but she is a survivor...she will survive this...just like she has survived the previous times"

Shoulder Devil:  "Keep thinking that sweetheart, but she watches Grey's...she believes in that crap, it's a weakness of hers, and I love to play on it...muahahahahahahahhaha!"

*the examination room door opens and in walks beach Barbie (this chic is like a walking advertisement for tanning salons and the white lab coat only makes her look more like a mahogany bookcase), complete with the long, blond, side pony tail and the scent of bubblicious bubble gum...

Barbie Lab Tech:  "Hello! (high pitched voice, popping her gum) I'm going to gather some samples, this won't take long.  I"m going to ask you to lay on your tummy (tummy?  what, do I look like I'm five?) and I'll prep the area."

I lay on my "tummy" and take a deep breath in...I roll my eyes...and I slowly release my deep breath.

Barbie Lab Tech:  (wiping the area with sterilizer) "It's okay, you'll only feel a slight sting and a little bit of pressure and then, all done!  So, you have skin cancer?"

Me:  "Yes.  This is the seventh time.  Fortunately the previous six times have been a very non invasive skin cancer.  This time it's melanoma."

Barbie Lab Tech:  "Oh gosh!  Well, hopefully it hasn't spread to your lymph nodes.  That's what this biopsy is for, to determine if it has spread. (DUH!)...do you tan in tanning beds?"

Me:  "I have, yes.  But I don't go very often....maybe a total of ten times per year."

Barbie Lab Tech:  "Really?  Wow!  I tan in tanning beds and I go almost every day!  Isn't that funny?  I tan way more than you do, but you are the one with skin cancer..."

Me:  "Yeah.  Hilarious!"

You Must Choose...

Fill In The Blanks...

(To my dear friend Becky over at Becky's Photography.  I thought of you today, I prayed for you today and I smiled at the thought of you today.  This post came to me while thinking of you and the past year that you have conquered!)



How would you fill in this sentence?

If it hadn't have been for _______, I would never have________.

Interesting.  The words "if it hadn't have been for" and "I would never have" immediately trigger negative word associations.  For example:
 

If it hadn't have been for an abusive relationship, I would never have quit college.

If it hadn't have been for a chauvinistic boss, I would never have walked away from a great profession.

If it hadn't have been for a drunk driver, I would never have wrecked my car.

 

But then I thought about this...

 

If it hadn't have been for Christ's sacrifice, I would never have salvation.

or

If it hadn't have been for Christ's love, I would never have forgiveness.

 

The blanks now become a visible miracle or a gift...

 

And so I began to think of other "gifts"...specifically I filled in the blanks for my dear friend who has struggled this past week, and I've turned her pain into joy...

 

...with just a few words.

 

If it hadn't have been for Jeremy leaving me, I would never have been reconnected with true love.

If it hadn't have been for an unhealthy living situation, I would never have had the opportunity to move closer to my family.

If it hadn't have been for Jeremy's hurtful words, I would never have discovered just how strong I am and how important focusing on God's truth is!

 

It is difficult to see God's work in the midst of your struggles, but know that He is indeed at work!  Want to know a secret?  I believe that some of God's work around Becky's difficulties has been my observation of her struggles...the honesty of her pain and the openness of her prayer requests has been a source of encouragement for me.  God is using my friend to minister to others...I see it and I feel it.

 

And so here are my words to fill in the blanks:

 

If it hadn't have been for my dear friend Becky, I would never have been encouraged to continue my own journey, I would never have been blessed with the beautiful gift of Becky's friendship and love!

 

 

*Hannah, Becky & Tori

Three BEAUTIFULY strong & courageous girls!

 

 

 

From The Country Vegetable...

My 8 year old son's teacher emailed me today...

...she shared with me a conversation that took place in her classroom earlier this morning that involved my son...

...I immediately drew in my breath and held it. 

Every day is like "open mic night" with Benjamin, no telling what he said this time...

Teacher:  "Today we are going to learn about family heritage.  For example, my family's heritage is English.  Who would like to share first?"

My son, Benjamin, eagerly waves his hand in the air...

Teacher:  "Benjamin, would you like to share your family's heritage?"

Benjamin:  "My family is vegetarian."

The really hysterical part is that NOBODY in our family is a vegetarian!   

But we are all a little nuts!  ;)

The Graduate...

My BFF of seventeen years graduated with her Masters Degree from Stephens College today!!

I am SO PROUD of you Amy!!

Show Us Your Life - Favorite Books...

Kelly, from Kelly's Korner, has a "Show Us Your Life" segment on her blog and today's "Show Us Your Life" was "Favorite Books"...

...I am going to begin using Kelly's requests to "Show Us Your Life" and will post my "life" on Fridays, here on my own blog!

I LOVE to read!  Admittedly I didn't begin to "love" reading until a few years ago...it was during my Oprah infatuation. 

What?  Like you don't have embarrassing secrets...

Oprah...yes, she started a "book club" and I was ALL about reading every. single. Oprah. recommended. book!

So began my love for reading!  (See, it turned out to be a good thing)

Some of my very FAVORITE books...

Jim Palmer (author) had been a rising star in the world of evangelical leaders. At the time, Jim delivered Jesus-mottos, but never experienced the grace of God moving in among the hurts of his childhood. Jim's ascent into evangelical heights came to a screeching halt when his marriage fell apart.

"Divine Nobodies" is the story of God rebuilding Jim's spirituality by placing a line of ordinary "Joe's" and "Janes" into his life. Each chapter of "Divine Nobodies" contains an essay about one of these "nobodies"...a waitress, a mechanic, a wheel-chair bound girl and her father among them, and how these individuals made Jim reconsider what it means to be spiritual.

The Book of Ruth is one of those books that is very thought provoking. It is not the most upbeat book that I have read, but Ruth is in her own way trying to survive the best that she can.

Ruth's main tormentor in the book is her mother, May, who is so consumed by negativity that it is really pointless to try to argue with her. Ruth learns to survive her mother's negativity with the dream of visiting her Aunt Sid, who is May's youngest sister.
Unfortunately, Ruth has to deal with her brother, Matt, who is a math prodigy. May always seems to be more preoccupied with Matt. Thus, Ruth is always second fiddle. When Matt leaves for college, May still thinks that Matt can do nothing wrong. Even though, he basically cuts off communication with their family.

Ruth eventually hooks up with Ruby, a very emotionally disturbed man. They form a unique bond that eventually leads to marriage, which leads to Ruth, Ruby and May living under the same roof.

All I can say is that the ending is unbelievable. I saw the signs of major tension, but the ending still caught me off guard!  I'm not sure if the author was trying to emphasize the fact that what we endure will make us stronger, but that is definitely what I got out of this book!

The main character, Lily Owens is fleeing an abusive father and an all-consuming truth surrounding her mother's death. The Secret Life of Bee's is set in the 1960's when racial tensions and violence were at an all time high. Lily and her caretaker Rosaleen, leave town after a violent encounter with racists while Rosaleen was attempting to exercise some of her newly granted freedoms.

Since the death of her mother, Lilly has a few precious clues as to her last days. The clues lead Lily and Rosaleen to Tiburon, South Carolina where they meet the `calendar sisters', May, June, and August Boatwright. The Boatwright sisters operate a successful Bee farm. Lily and Rosaleen are welcomed to the farm with open arms. Through her work on the farm, Lily is able to examine her past and begin to trust as she finds love again.  This is the first book that ever made me cry while reading!

This book is about the possibly healing affects we can have as friends and the potentially destructive power we have as family. It is about the undeniable value of positive self-image and the brutal consequences of inappropriate guilt. It is about divorce, it is about AIDS, it is about obesity, and it is about rape and abortion. It is about hope and love. It contains several hundred of the most physically painful pages that I have ever read, interrupted only intermittently with some dark joke made as Delores faces her struggles. In the space of 465 pages the author brings to life not a classic heroine who defeats all of her struggles, but a woman simply trying to survive!

I could go on and on....I have approximately ten more "favorites!"

....What are some of your favorite books?  I would love to hear some "must reads!"

Somewhere Over The Rainbow...

Everyone has a history, a past, a series of life events. For some, life events can be positive and uplifting, similar to threads of happiness spun into self-confidence. For others, life events may be a journey through consistent darkness; a darkness that threatens to conceal the Spirit of life.

 

Life events mold us. They shape us from the inside out. Unfortunately, what you see on the outside rarely resembles the deep mystery within...

My history, my past – I gladly yield to my Savior...

...He is the only one who is able to paint a beautiful rainbow from my palette filled with grays...

My parents divorce...creating feelings within me of rejection, confusion and insecurity...
   ......Rejection led to my search for love anywhere I could find it...creating desperation...
Desperation led me to pain and bitterness...
     .....Pain and bitterness along with years of emotional and verbal abuse led to the absence of the skills I needed to seek self-respect… 

 But my rainbow is being painted...

      ....the healing of my heart, experiencing God's gracious gift of unconditional love and mercy.

.........He has washed away the grays on my palette.

             I yield to my Savior...

 

 

 

Sweet Caraline...(bum, bum, bum)

...like the song...

...you know, by Neil Diamond...

Caraline (I AM spelling her name correctly) is the nine year old daughter of my new BFF, Linda.  Linda and her hubby, Mark (yes, her hubby has the same name as my hottie hubby) go to the same church that hottie hubby and I belong to.  They are an incredible Christian family and hottie hubby and I have really enjoyed getting to know them and growing from them!

....So, back to Caraline....

...Caraline is the youngest of their FIVE children!!  One college graduate, two in college, one teenager and then Caraline....

Caraline is EXACTLY like how I was when I was nine...

...she's full of energy, she's Hi-LARIOUS, sassy, she loves to be the center of attention (she won't grow out of that, by the way), she is entertaining and she's ADORABLE!

Today I picked Caraline up and treated her to ice cream at Central Dairy...

...just the two of us. 

The following is a conversation that Caraline and I had while enjoying our treat:

Caraline:  "My mom told me that boys can't focus on more than one thing at a time, but us girls can focus on many, many, many things all at once!"

Me:  "That's true."

Caraline:  "Well....when I'm in my bed at night trying to go to sleep I dream about the perfect husband, and he can focus on many, many, many things at the same time."

Me:  "Hmmmm, that's interesting.  So, tell me...what is the perfect husband?"

Caraline:  "Well, the perfect husband is a lawyer, he's tall, he has dark hair, he's good with kids and he's smart."

Me:  "A lawyer...interesting.  Good with kids?  How many kids are you going to have?"

Caraline:  "four"

Me:  "Oh gosh Cara...kids are so much work!"

Caraline:  (said in her best "matter of fact" tone) "Duh! I'm gonna get a nanny!"

Bahahahahahahhahahahahahha!

....."Sweet Caroline

(bum, bum, bum)...

...Good times never seemed so good"

Letting Go Of The Rope...

If I could have a wish right now, at this very moment...

...my wish would be...

...for God to spell out His desires for me...

D-O  I-T  T-H-I-S  W-A-Y...

Wouldn't the Christian walk be easier that way?

*  *  *

I am bound by my fears...

...I know that I can trust God...
           .........but I have not allowed myself to fully trust Him because...
...I am bound by my fears.

I fear situations.  I fear circumstances and people...
...often times I am startled or caught off guard in a situation, and those moments of fear are a normal response.

The problem lies in that I allow the fear to remain...
....The fear takes over, controls the situation and even enters other areas of my life.

Fear has kept me in a place of bondage, rather than freedom...

And so I listen for God's voice...
...I listen for His words...

....His "this is how you overcome fear..."

D-O I-T T-H-I-S W-A-Y...

Today I heard His voice...

...I know what His way is for me, and I heard His way through my pastor's words to me...

"Let go of the rope..."

I had confided in my pastor my struggles, my fears... and pastor Mark shared an excerpt from a book that his wife had just finished reading called, "The Hiding Place" by Corrie Ten Boom:


"One day a young Flemish girl, who had repented and received deliverance from lust and impurity, came to me. “Even though I have been delivered, “she said, “at night I still keep dreaming of my old way of life. I am afraid I will slip back into Satan's grasp.”

“Up in that church tower,” I said, nodding toward the belfry, “is a bell which is rung by pulling on a rope. But you know what? After the sexton lets go of the rope, the bell keeps on swinging. First ding, then dong. Slower and slower until there's a final dong and it stops. I believe the same thing is true of deliverance. When the demons are cast out in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, or when sin is confessed and renounced, then satan's hand is removed from the rope. But if we worry about our past bondage, satan will use this opportunity to keep the echoes ringing in our minds.”

A sweet light spread across the girl's face. “You mean even though I sometimes have temptations, that I am still free, that satan is no longer pulling the rope which controls my life?”


“The purity of your life is evidence of your deliverance, “I said. “You should not worry about the dings and the dongs, they are nothing but echoes.” "

Pastor Mark repeated his first words, "let go of the rope..."
 
God used my pastor to spell it out for me...
 

D-O I-T T-H-I-S W-A-Y...

 
....L-E-T   G-O   O-F   T-H-E   R-O-P-E...  

....and I am.

....letting.
 
...go.

Mother...

I laugh like my mother...

...full and loud...

My mother is an amazing cook...nobody can make meringue as high and fluffy...

The summer before my senior year I had extensive jaw surgery and was hospitalized for a few days.  The morning of my surgery my mother drove me to the hospital and she held my hand the entire way.  She told me over and over how much she loved me and how proud of me she was.  I wasn't afraid when the doctors rolled me away...

Since that first surgery I have had four other surgeries and my mother has been with me for every single one, holding my hand and telling me how much she loves me.

My mother was present for all three of my boys births, welcoming them to the world with squeezes and kisses, cooing in her "baby" voice...."I am your Nana!"

...She wears bold, bright and BIG jewelry...

....to match her bold and bright clothes.  She has just as many pairs of shoes as I do...

...and that is a lot!

My mother is witty and intelligent...

...but as a teenager I was able to fool her a few times (don't worry mom, you know about all those times now)

My mother is an entertainer...always able to make the people around her laugh.

I love it when I am out in public and someone approaches me and asks if I am Jennifer's daughter...

...I proudly answer, "yes!"

...I often hear praises sung in my mothers name, mostly the parents of a student she has taught...

....and many times changed their life.

"You look just like your mother"...a compliment I hear often...

....and it never gets old.

My mother is gullible...

...so am I.

I love the way my mother smells...

....of White Shoulders perfume.

At one time, when my brother and I were very little, it was just the three of us...

...my memories of my mother are strongest during that time.  I remember always feeling safe...

....Today I celebrate my mom...

...I love you Mom!

Waiting...

God knows my struggles...

He knows every feeling, every piercing pain, every behavior and the reason for every tear drop.

I ask myself, how am I supposed to overcome this struggle? 

The answer is made clear...

....wait on the Lord.

It seems almost beyond my comprehension...

........I have learned from my past that my efforts to “fix” things on my own only make it more difficult for God to do His work, prolonging the excellent outcome that God desires.

But because I fear Him and because I hold Him in reverence...

....He. Will. Deliver. Me.

Wait on the Lord....

...I will trust in Him completely. 

This Diva Went Camping...

...and I have the photos to prove it!



Four women, eight children, one cabin (one bathroom), four air mattresses, cave exploring, fishing, a beautiful church at the end of a trail, unique worship, smores, banana boats, carmel popcorn, "spoons", "mafia", "scategories" & "taboo"....



....one absolutely AMAZING weekend!

The view from the front porch of our cabin...

All eight kiddos, on our way to the cave...

Outside the cave entrance...

Sweet Caraline and me...

My oldest son, Hayden, and me!

Hayden, crawling into a small space within the cave

(with his brand new shorts, I might add,

which are now ruined)....

Benjamin (my youngest) the Dare Devil...

Tickbite Trail...we didn't get any...

The kids standing outside the small church we found

at the end of the trail...this was my favorite find!

Inside the church...

On the bluff, outside the church...

Beautiful....

This was an outside worship area, we held our

very own church service here on Sunday morning...

Caraline...

Abby & Madi Sue, I love these girls!

We still had a LOT of fun, even during the rain...

Fishermen Abby!

Too cool...

What a great way to refresh and create memories with the most amazing people that God has placed within my life! God is good!