"Lowest" Bomb Threat, "Compare" With Others...

Is it safe to say that if there is "crazy", I'm there?

Yes...it is safe to say that "crazy" follows me...

A "normal" day is SO overrated!

At roughly 7:15 pm (who am I kidding? I have no clue what time it was because time is not important in this tale) on Friday evening I headed towards the new Walmart to make a *quick* purchase of bleach...

...need a back story? Okay, I'll indulge...I have OCD or CDO (because it's in alphabetical order that way). It started yesterday with spending forty-five minutes organizing my Pinterest boards (a virtual scrapbook where you can pin things like recipes, party favor ideas, gift ideas, do-it-yourself projects and all the things in life you wish you had but know you never will....yes, it can be depressing)
....After my positioned pinning pleasure, I had the urge to sweep off our lower back porch (it's been in my thoughts all week) and when I discovered there was mold growing on the edge of the concrete, I simply could not live with myself if I didn't immediately rid our humble abode of this nasty nuisance.

I was horrified to discover that there was no bleach in our home...seriously? Who does not keep several gallons of bleach on hand for emergencies like the one above? I racked my brain to figure out who the bleach burglar could be and remembered the boys caving trip the weekend before....the mud and  microorganisms that came home with them.....I shudder!

So, I threw on a pair of spandex workout bottoms and an oversize t-shirt of hottie hubby's, complete with a family portrait of "The Family Guy"....who was I going to see? My intentions were swift...a faster-than-a-bolt-of-lightning, grab the bleach, pay and return home trip.....

....that was my mistake....who was I kidding that I could be back from Walmart in 2.5 seconds without running into someone I know???

....so back to 7:15 pm (or whatever time you want this story to take place)...

I pull my car into a parking space outside of Walmart and dash towards the entrance....no need for a cart, I'm after one thing and one thing only....

I pass the beauty section...ooooohhhh, new mascara.....I hesitate...no....no.....I must focus.....bleach.....I continue towards household products.......

.....just as I'm rounding the corner (I can see my beloved Clorox waiting for me to embrace her...), I hear over the loudspeaker...

"Attention Walmart customers. Please evacuate the store immediately. Please leave your items where you are and exit towards the front of the store. Again, all customers are to immediately evacuate the store, thank you."

Ummmmmm.........

....the first thought that ran through my head was, "What? Are people being hurt by falling prices?"

I didn't understand.....so I did what any sane human being would do....I continued towards the cleaning products to grab my bleach.....I mean, surely this was some bored employee that was playing a joke.

...just as I reached for my gallon of glory, I heard a voice...."Excuse me mam, we need you to please exit the store....this is an emergency."

"But I have mold...."

"Please mam, make your way to the front exit, immediately."

Crap....didn't this guy understand my emergency??

Pouting, I made my way towards the front door of the store....past the beauty section...oh yeah! new mascara....no.....no....focus....emergency.....front door......

"Betsy?" I heard my name.....and then remembered what I looked like.....SURE-LY this was NOT happening....

I turned my head to stare into the eyes of a former classmate....a long ago friend that I haven't seen in 20 years....and what better time to see her now, after all this time.....looking like I should be shopping at Walmart....

"Oh hey!" (I'm keeping names out of this, to protect the innocent)...."Gosh....it's been so long.....and you.....you look great! I mean....not a gray hair in your perfectly coiled, sleeked back, blonde hair....and your cute, matchy-matchy, size 2, Capri jogging suit with your brand new Nike's and gosh....is that lavender I smell?" (okay....that's not really what I said...but I SERIOUSLY was thinking it....)

...instead I apologized for my horrid look and explained I was hoping for a quick trip...

The two of us headed out the front entrance into a scene from CSI....cops where EVERYWHERE! Firetrucks, S.W.A.T team, police chief......all surrounding the empire of "always low prices."

This actually was an emergency....what the heck was going on?

Despite several attempts at cracking this case, nobody of importance was giving any clues....

...while others found places to squat and watch the adventure unfold, I high-tailed it out of there before anyone else laid eyes on me....

....but mostly so I could purchase the bleach that I desperately needed.

I ended up going to Dollar General.....and wouldn't you know it, the bleach there was $1.50 MORE than the price at Walmart....

....Walmart really DOES have the "lowest" prices....

....and apparently the "cheapest" form of bomb threats! Turns out that was what all the excitement was about....and the reason I didn't get my "in-and-out," cheaper bleach purchase!

A bomb threat....

Really?

At Walmart??

For what reason??

....the prices weren't falling fast enough on their own?

Personally....I think it's because I was there....

...and wearing a "Family Guy" t-shirt.