Saturday, January 22, 2011

Heavenly Melody...

Dear Cal,

The party is over, the cake has been eaten, presents opened, dirty dishes have been washed.  The "happy birthday" melody whispers through my thoughts as I rest in the recliner.  My heart hurts, it is heavy with a sadness that outweighs any progress I've made in terms of healing.  I rely on God, my faith to lift me back up, out of this guilt....the guilt of celebrating your daughters third birthday.  Guilt of watching her face light up at the beautifully wrapped packages, all for her.  Guilt of joining in on the loud and somewhat off key "happy birthday"...

...and as I watched Sophia blow out her candles, I wished for her..."allow her, dear God, to feel her daddy's love, to know that he is with her and around her at all times."

Cal, she's beautiful.  The spitting image of you.  She's sassy and loves all eyes to be on her...that's the auntie Betsy in her.  ;)  She entertains us with her hand movements and ballerina twirls when she sings...perfectly on pitch, I might add.  She knows every word to every nursery rhyme song and when she tells you a story, she looks you in the face with such serious eyes.  She's tall, and lean...loves to do "gymnastics" and she often pushes her baby brother around, but loving him with such intensity...(ring a bell, little brother?).  I watch Sophia and Henry as if I'm watching old home movies of you and me.  It makes my heart smile.

Tonight at Sophie's party we celebrated in "Yo Gabba Gabba" style...balloons, cake, ice cream and of course a never ending collection of presents galore!  We invited our family and friends and we all laughed hysterically when Sophia talks to cousin Grace...she calls her "Grapes" in "Betsy, Grapes took my baby."

I love her so very much Cal.  She brings me so much joy and peace...knowing that all the goodness in you continues within her.

Today your princess is three years old, and I know in my heart that the "happy birthday" melody is being sung by an angel from above to this little angel here below...

Much love from your big sister,


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