...a year of "firsts" are in front of us...
...first birthday, he would have been thirty-two this Sunday. First Christmas, first birthday celebration of his baby girl who be three in January. First birthday celebration of his baby boy who will be two in February. First Easter, first Father's Day, first Fourth of July....
...first year since he's been gone, in July...
Last year my Thanksgiving post focused on the price paid for my redemption, a gift that I am thankful for every day.
...admittedly, this year I wished that I could simply close my eyes and sleep through the next five weeks...waking up to a new year, leaving behind a year of sickness, loss and hurt.
Last night I watched my mother melt in her pain...again, I felt helpless, unable to give her the only gift that she truly wants...her only son. I cried myself to sleep, tossing and turning through the night, pleading with God to take the grief, the pain...fill me with love and understanding.
Isn't it interesting how "Firsts" are typically a moment of celebration in life...first birthday, first day of school, first boyfriend, first day of college, first job, first holiday as a married couple, first baby, first anniversary...
...but this year the "firsts" will not be a celebration, rather a reminder of the loss of someone we love.
But it's okay to grieve...it's okay to be sad, to cry, to be angry, to hurt...
...but it's also okay to laugh, to smile, to share memories, to celebrate...
...in fact, it's imperative that we continue to celebrate....
....to live.
This Thanksgiving I am thankful for the beautiful babies that are pieces of my brother. I'm thankful for the gorgeous and amazing mother that those babies love, the woman my brother loved and adored. I am thankful for my own mother...her beautiful, loving ways...her contagious laugh and her incredible cooking! :) I am thankful for my three handsome and healthy boys...the love that they have for me. I am thankful for my unbelievably fabulous husband, who has been my rock, who exudes patience and love like I've never known. I am thankful that my brother knew just how much I love him. I am thankful that I took initiative to share with my brother what an awesome father he was, how proud of him I am!
I am thankful for forgiveness...although I struggle still in some areas of my own life, in others I have found the courage to forgive and I, myself, have been forgiven. I am thankful for the love, the peace and the gift of life that my Father above provides to me each and every day...
....and, I am thankful for the "firsts"...the celebrations of new life, the life that will continue and memories that we will all share....
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