...sometimes "forgiveness" is the "F" word...it seems filthy, formidable, futile, faulty...
Why is forgiveness so difficult?
I've been working with "Dr. Phil My Soul With Jesus" (that's my Christian counselor) on forgiveness...
...she had me complete a list of people in my life that I am angry with or hold some sort of "resentment" towards. Immediately I thought of two people, two very key people in my life...and I thought that they were the only two people that would be recorded on my list...
...turns out my list was twelve people long...
where did they come from? I starred at my list...I blinked...the names were still there. I couldn't believe what I had written...I had no idea I harbored so much "unforgiveness"...
So, I took my list back to "Dr. Phil My Soul With Jesus" and we began working on that list...
...my list is now two people long. The same two people that I originally thought of when the list idea was presented to me. The same two key people in my life...
I looked at "Dr. Phil My Soul With Jesus" and simply said, "I can't."
..."You can," she said, just as simply as I had said it to her.
I haven't forgiven these two people...yet. I say "yet" because I'm working on the forgiveness...and I truly believe that with God's help I will one day forgive them.
...the point of this post isn't to share with you the "unforgiveness"...but rather the "forgiveness" that I have experienced...because the forgiveness, when it happens....is beautiful...
...allow me to share a story with you:
Roughly three weeks ago I encountered a very uncomfortable situation with a friend. The situation left my husband furious, I was shaken, and with all of the emotions we encountered over this one happening, it left my husband and I in great stress. The situation called for me to confront the very people that I have trusted and loved...and admittedly, placed upon a pedestal. I waited for the outcome that I expected...and when the resolution that I desired was not presented to me, I crumbled.
...and the devil swept in....
"They don't like you."
"This is your fault."
"They don't care about you."
"It won't ever be the same..."
My world was spinning out of control...I couldn't believe that the very people that I believed in, bragged about, loved with all my heart, idolized.....
...they fell.
I called my friends that are professionals and relayed my delima to them, seeking their advice...looking to them to share what I wanted them to say...what I had expected the others to say....
...but my friends only confirmed that my resolution was not realistic and that how the situation was handled was indeed correct....
I cried. I sulked. I pouted. I looked for different answers...my answers.
After several days of stumbling in darkness, I confronted one of the "trusted" ones...
...after several minutes of crying, pleading and disagreement, I heard this...
"Until you can forgive, you won't be free."
I was expected to forgive the very person that had placed me in this horrible situation...
...I wasn't ready...in fact, I thought, I'm not EVER going to forgive this person...I'm not the one who did the wrong...I shouldn't have to forgive...
....and I cried. And I was miserable.
And then I was reminded of a story that my sales manager at work shared with me a few short months ago...
...he said that three years ago when I interviewed with the company that I now work for, I left the office after a lengthy interview and he and his business partner looked at the third business partner and said, "no way. We can't hire her...she's a party girl." And the third business partner looked at them and said, "no, I think we should give her the opportunity...there is something about her that tells me we should hire her."
....and Grace and Mercy were given....Forgiveness....it was gifted to me...
...and then I thought about the night I lay in the bed in my hotel room in New York City...I asked God to forgive me of my sins...I asked Him to come into my heart, cleanse me, mold me, love me....
....and Christ died on the Cross for my sins....He forgave.
....why shouldn't I?
And so, I sat with the person that wronged me...I listened to his cry. I watched as this individual sat before me, broken and beaten...and I thought, "I've been where you are. I know your pain." I too cried with him...I felt his apology in my heart...
...and I looked at him and I softly said...
"I forgive you."
And I am free.
...why is it so easy to forgive some...
...and so difficult to forgive others?
i have learned in divorce care class that we first ask God for the willingness to forgive...then we forgive as an act of our will while asking God to help the feelings of forgiveness catch up with the act of our will. That it is a choice and the feelings follow later as we continue to forgive again and again. And we do it b/c we were commanded to forgive so that He can continue to forgive us. So we follow as commanded and the feelings catch up with the will on their own time sometimes. But forgiving does not mean that we forget...only God is capable of forgiving and completely forgetting. We are "smarter" afterwards and it will shape who we are...but we still choose to forgive.
ReplyDelete(Not saying its easy...you know my story...)