Crash Test Dummy...

....or "Hit And Run"

...another great blog post title could be "Oops I Did It Again"...(because this IS the second time I've done this)....

I'll stick with "Crash Test Dummy"...

Monday mornings...I've never really been a "I hate Mondays" kinda gal, but today....today I ABSOLUTELY HATE MONDAYS (at least this Monday)...

My alarm screamed at 6:00 am, I hit snooze and hottie husband (who is on a temporary "vacation") turned the alarm off after the extra fifteen minutes had passed...without waking me first.

...I opened my eyes, blinked a few times and turned to check the clock sitting on my nightstand....blurry eyed I read the digital bright red letters, 7:40...I squeezed my eyes shut and then opened them again, 7:40...I jolted upright and stretched my neck around to look once more....7:41...."WHAT?!?!?!!!" I screamed, looking over at hottie husband, peacefully snoozing under the quilt. "HEY! MARK!!!??? DID YOU TURN THE ALARM OFF???" .........zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz..........I shoved his shoulder, "HEY!!!" ......moaning, hottie husband rolled over and replied, "what? what did you say?"

I flailed my portion of the quilt up into the air, and jumped off the mattress. For spite I yanked the entire quilt off the bed, leaving hottie husband exposed in the cool air....

Frantically I turned on the shower and waited for the water to heat to a comfortable temperature. I washed, rinsed, repeated, scrubbed my body, ran a razor over my legs (OUCH! I nicked my shin), stepped out onto the fuzzy bathmat, threw on my bathrobe and wrapped my hair into a towel.

Hottie husband waltzed into the bathroom and hoarsely asked, "what's all the fuss about?" Steaming, I chose to ignore his silly question and I began to blow dry my hair. With little time for perfection, I swept on minimum makeup, brushed through my hair and threw on a pair of slacks and a sweater...

45 minutes....I was ready to walk out the door! That's a record...I usually require 1 1/2 - 2 hours!!

Now....let me set this up for you....(in my defense):

Hottie husband leaves our house at 6:40 EVERY morning to arrive at work by 7:00 am, not to mention that he has been gone (in Arizona) for the past 4 weeks, meaning that his car has not been in the driveway AT ALL....

....I was running late, I was talking on my cell phone (I know...that's a big "no-no", but I was returning a call) and...did I mention that I was running late...meaning I was flustered....

I climbed into the drivers seat, put the keys in the ignition, laughed at my friends comment on the other end of my cell phone, put the trailblazer in reverse and put my foot on the gas....

.....CRUNCH....

I slammed on the brake! Lunging forward I realized what had happened....

I HIT HOTTIE HUSBAND'S CAR!!!!!!!!

Panic set in....

I opened the door and stepped out onto the driveway, "okay, it's probably not that bad" (for me it's all about how I think)...walking towards Mark's car my eyes began to tear up....

....a new thought popped into my head...."CRAP! Okay...so, it's REALLY bad...."

I couldn't move for a moment....I stood frozen in the driveway....how was I going to tell hottie husband that I just crashed into his car......again.....(yes, this goes back to November of 2007 and I backed into Mark's car while I was leaving for work......hmmmmm....work....it seems to be the common denominator....maybe I should quit working.....maybe that's the moral of the stories here.....)

I couldn't do it....I couldn't make myself walk back into the house and tell hottie husband......

....so I did what any sane thirty-seven year old wife would do.....I jumped back into my car and got the heck out of there!!

Approximately thirty minutes later I was sitting at my desk at work (I know, right? The very thing that caused this whole mess) when my friend and co-worker Ashley came into my office and noticed my pale face and furrowed brow....asking me if everything was okay, I explained to Ashley the events of the morning, and how I had simply driven off in my car, leaving hottie husband's car, wrecked in the driveway.

Ashley offered advice...."ummmmmmm.....don't you think that you should call him and tell him? I mean, I'm no expert on relationships and marriage, but I'm pretty sure that this could ruin it all...."

Yeah....okay....she's probably correct....probably.....

I picked up the phone, drew in a deep breath and dialed my home number....

Hottie Husband: "Good morning sunshine!"

Me: "Ah, good, you're in a pleasant mood...you know, it's so good to hear your voice....have I told you lately how crazy I am about you....how much I love and adore you....how incredibly strong and dashingly handsome you are??"

Hottie Husband: "This doesn't sound good."

Me: "What?? What do you mean? What doesn't sound good? I do love  you....seriously. I love you so much....I love the way you love me....the way you make me feel beautiful....how happy you make me....how patient you are....patient...yes, that's a great quality....probably the quality that I admire most in you....you know...like when I do something really stupid or sort of....um....bad....and you always keep your calm....you understand...you are patient with me...."

Hottie Husband: "Okay Bets, what did you do?"

Me: "Well, pumpkin muffin....you know how YOU turned off the alarm this morning and it caused me to oversleep....making me late for work??......well....if YOU hadn't turned off the alarm then I wouldn't have been rushed....and if I wasn't rushed.....well....then I would have remembered that your car was behind mine in the driveway.....and I wouldn't have hit your car....."

~Crickets~

Me: "Lolipop?.....Sweetness?......Sugar booger?"

Hottie Husband: "Look, I do love you....but I'm going to hang up the phone now before I say something that I'll regret later...."

Click.

Later in the afternoon hottie husband took his car to Kemna Collision to get an estimate....

.....$1,200

On the up side.....two years ago when I hit hottie husband's car, Kemna Collision asked me to voice a radio commercial advertising their services....you can still hear that commercial today...I'm thinking that with this new "collision", Kemna will ask me to voice a second commercial....

...that's cool, right??




It's really not that bad, right??