Saturday, August 1, 2009

Professional Haggler??....

This will be the first of several NYC me folks, there is SO much to share of my recent business trip to NY with hottie husband.

I would like to share with you my MOST embarrassing/proud moment in NYC thus far...

"Haggling Hag"

If you have had the opportunity to vacation/work in the Big Apple then you are quite familiar with the stolen goods for sale on every corner! Purses, wallets, perfume, makeup, jewelry, photos with frames and photos without frames, watches, name it, it's for sale by some homeless looking crack addict that jumps at the first sign of local law enforcement. You have to be quick to haggle and make your purchase...and you must carry your purchase in a black trash bag as not to be seen by said local law enforcement and end up in the local jail. But it's TOTALLY worth it. I got a Louis Vuitton handbag for $35...and folks, it's real!

I must admit, I started out as a street vendors dream...I ALWAYS began my haggling high...I didn't get it. And this may come as a surprise to you, but math is not my strong suit. Let me give you an example...

Right before I made my Louis Vuitton handbag purchase there was a young lady beside me that picked up another style Louis Vuitton handbag (a bigger style I might add) and she simply said, "I'll give you $20." "$25" the vendor offered. "$22, that's my final offer" she shot back. The vendor took her money, wrapped her purchase in a black trash bag and she was on her way. My adrenaline began pumping...I could hardly contain my excitement. I looked at hottie husband for approval..."go ahead" he smiled. I picked up my chosen handbag and I looked the vendor straight in the face and said, "$30!" The vendor shot back, "$35" and I said, "deal!" Hottie husband was FURIOUS! With black trash bag in hand hottie husband huffed and puffed the entire 10 blocks back to the hotel room mumbling words under his breath.

Hottie Husband: "What in the world is wrong with you? What did you do?? The girl before you walked away with a bag 10 times the size of yours for $25 and you started at $30? You didn't even blink when he counter offered. You took his price right off the bat!!! What is WRONG with you??"

Me: "OMG! I can't believe I have a Louis Vuitton purse! I have to call Amy! (BFF)"

Hottie Husband: "Hello???!! Did you just hear what I said?? YOU ARE NOT GOING TO HAGGLE ANYMORE! I'm in charge from now on!"

Me: "Let's see if there are any street vendors with Jimmy Choo shoes!"

Seriously...why was hottie husband so upset? Is it me, or do you have to be an Academy-Award caliber actor to pull this haggling thing off?

Me: "I will give you $1 for this bread and not a penny more. My children are well fed and certainly do not need this loaf for nourishment. I spit on this bread!" I was determined to make hottie husband proud. The next evening we came upon framed photos of "The New Yorker" magazine covers. Naturally I HAD to have one. I sell printing....we print magazines....I sell in New York....I MUST have a magazine cover of "The New Yorker". AND...the vendor had one that was PINK with a high heel on it! HELLO?!?!? It was CALLING MY NAME!

Okay...this is my chance. I took a deep breath in. I release. I wiped my sweaty palms on the bottom of my shirt. My sensei (hottie husband) taught me well, his words of wisdom rang through my head...."haggling is about bluffing; if you show weakness or nerves, the salesperson will know you’re going to fold."

I stepped forward. I picked up the glass framed magazine cover. The pink reflected off my sunglasses. Adrenaline pumping. Stay calm. Breathe.

Me: "How much?"

Vendor (in some sort of accent that made it extremely difficult for me to understand): "$20"

Me: "I'll give you $10"

Vendor: "$15"

Me: "I won't pay more than $10"

Vendor: "okay, $10."

OMG! I DID IT! Hottie husband did you see that??? I must keep going, I'm on a high! I began picking out additional purchases...

Hottie husband: "Easy there Mrs. Trump, we've purchased quite a bit this trip."

Me: "huh?"

And so we went on our way, back towards the hotel. But not before we passed Sax Fifth Avenue (enter angelic voices singing).

Me (to hottie husband): "I just want to look."

And this my friends is where the embarrassment comes to play....

I spotted the most beautiful pair of Channel shoes I have ever seen. GORGEOUS. I MUST HAVE THEM. I picked the right shoe up and caressed it in my hand. My eyes glazed over.

Sales lady (dressed to the nines with flawless makeup, smelling like the most expensive perfume, hair pulled tightly back in a sleek bun): "They are beautiful, aren't they? What size can I get for you?"

Me (looking at the price tag of $435): "I'll give you $100"

Sales lady (in her snottiest voice): "We sell by price tags."

SNAP! I was back in reality. Dang it.

Well, you can't blame me for trying.


  1. Ok, you have me sitting here in a room all by myself, and I'm laughing out loud. Great post! I think the "in her snottiest voice" line put me over the edge. I could hear it in my head!

  2. I agree with LuAnn. That is hilarious. Funny thing is...I used to walk in FFO with that same attitude. And then, if they don't knock enough of the price, I walk. Go in any other furniture store in JC and ask them what they will knock off the price and they laugh at you. I just don't get it. Pout. LOL!!!