Where Is My Peace?

Lately I have been asking myself (directed towards God), "I am redeemed...so where is my peace?"

...My Salvation came three years ago. Along my Faith journey I have come to understand that those who find a place of unity within Christ take a different path to get there, each Faith journey is mapped with different twists and turns. There are people who seem to come to the Lord easily, their lives miraculously altered into an almost unrecognizable state at the very moment of Salvation. The Holy Spirit just appears to settle right into their hearts and take over; bringing peace and healing at the moment of confession and acceptance. It looks as though all of their pain and fear is replaced in a moment’s time with a passionate love for God and an abiding surrender to His will...

...I am not one of those people and I must confess that at times I have been very envious of them.

In my own journey, I have taken the long road to get to God and even now that I have found Him I fight a prolonged battle to hold onto the mercy He has given me. I am aware that as a new Christian I struggle with sin, Faith and obedience.

...When I accepted Christ, I carried with me a lifetime of baggage that I expected Him to deal with.
Some people might bring suitcases or trunks... I showed up with a fully loaded moving van....sin and damage done to my spirit, living a life away from His presence.

The day I came to God I experienced a vague but very powerful spiritual epiphany that I needed Him. I had witnessed His love, His grace and His mercy within the lives of people that had recently been placed in my path...by God, no doubt. I had been watching first hand His pursuit to transform our existence into lives of peace, love and joy.

...Each day on my journey I find myself needing Christ more and more. I now understand that surrendering to God requires a radical healing journey...one filled with trials.

...The trials are where I fall short and panic...an overwhelming fear that my peace will only come in Heaven...I will never have peace here and now. A fear that has recently taken toll on my spiritual welfare...

...my father's illness, my brother's death, my mother's anxiety and constant sadness, my sister's uncertain future, my role as a mother and a wife....

...it is all too much at times and I find myself asking, "Where is my peace?"

My answer came last night between the pages of a daily devotional...

"The outcome of our trials is that the real Jesus emerges in our spirits and is expressed through our lives making us fruitful in that which was meant to destroy us." - Francis Frangipane

I must then submit to His Spirit and allow Him to guide me along the path He has created for me in accordance with His perfect purpose. On my journey I will daily draw closer to Him and I will experience healing...

....and therein lies my peace.

"And Betsy Was Her Name-O" ...The BOOK!

I lead a very "eventful" life...that is no secret. Things just...happen. Someone once said I'm like Forrest Gump, and I have to agree..."life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get!"


I've had several people within my life that have suggested I write a book. I've always laughed at the idea, thinking it was silly. Then somebody else would come along and suggest the same..."you should write a book!" ...and I would think, "when would I have the time to write?"

Light bulb!

 

I love to blog...why not incorporate my blog with my book? GENIUS!

And so I begin. It's really a win, win situation! I begin "writing" my book, and at the same time I am keeping up with the blogging world! LOVE IT!


How this will work is I will begin to "record" memories, life events, miscellaneous tidbits about my life in my posts. When the time comes, and I feel ready, I will organize my posts and compile them into a book format...


....the best part is I know a really good printer....ME  :) (I sell for a local printing company)


I've been thinking about titles for my book and although I'm not definite about a title, I thought about naming it "And Betsy Was Her Name-O" ...my first "entry" will be an explanation of why I think this might be a fun title...

"And Betsy Was Her Name-O"

 

Growing up my stepdad used to sing a song to me: (sung to the tune of "Bingo"...the "B-I-N-G-O" part)

Ellyn Elizabeth Hockady Fine

Ellyn Elizabeth Hockady Fine

Ellyn Elizabeth Hockaday Fine

and "Betsy" was her name-o!

Creative, right? Perhaps not as creative as I was on the first day of kindergarten...

...allow me to explain why my stepdad used to sing that song to me...

 

I was born on April 6, 1974. My mother, Jennifer and my father, Cam (by the way, both my mother and my father only have ONE middle name!) came to agree on a name for their first born...a baby girl...

Mother: "We will name her Ellyn Elizabeth Hockady Fine"

Father: "Yes, Ellyn Elizabeth Hockaday Fine! Ellyn, after my sister, Elizabeth because it's beautiful, Hockaday, after your grandparents and Fine...a good strong last name!"

Doctor: "Nurse, you will need a second page for the birth certificate!" (okay, I exaggerate...I don't think the doctor really said that...but I'm certain he was thinking it)

And so I began my life as Ellyn.

I don't really remember much of my life before the age of five...I do know that I was adored, loved and spoiled rotten!

 

Five years later...(when my memory really begins to kick into full gear) I was enrolled in kindergarten at West Elementary School. Mrs. Jones would be my teacher and she loved ladybugs...I remember feeling excited to get to know Mrs. Jones because I loved ladybugs too!

 

I was tall for my age, lean and lanky. Golden blond hair that swept my shoulders, bangs cut straight across my forehead. My mother had me stand on the front step of our home so she could snap a photo on my first day of school.

I remember entering the classroom, it seemed so big! Little round tables with tiny seats low to the floor...Mrs. Jones showed me where my assigned seat would be and then pointed out my cubby so I could hang up my tote bag. I took a seat next to a little red headed boy named James Keown (don't forget that name, he'll show back up later in my book) and gently folded my hands in my lap.

As Mrs. Jones began to call roll I waited patiently for my name to be called...I don't remember thinking at the time that I would be embarrassed by my name...but I do remember the names of the other girls in my class as Mrs. Jones called out... Susan, Amy, Stephanie, Holly, Molly....all really "normal" and "cute" names...not "Ellyn"...such an old and stiff name for such a cute and innocent little girl...

...and then it was my turn...

Mrs. Jones: "Ellyn Fine..."

*cringe*

...Now, being a very imaginative child, I was quick to think! I had just recently received a "Betsy Wetsy" doll (she pees when you push her belly) as a gift and so I replied to Mrs. Jones:

Me: "Oh....um....that's not my name."

Mrs. Jones: (confused) "Oh, okay...what is your name?"

Me: "Um...it's.....Betsy."

Mrs. Jones: "Okay then, Betsy is what we will call you!"

Yeah....it was that easy.

....and "Betsy Was Her Name-O"....

You know that saying...."Everything you need to know, you learn in kindergarten"...???

....well....I learned that you can be whoever your little heart desires to be! And as a side note...I don't pee when you push my belly..   ;)