One of the girls in the front office at work is expecting her first baby in September. The front office is ALL female, meaning there are MANY "girl" conversations that take place. The other day our "girl" conversation topic was labor & delivery....I'm a BIG believer in telling it like it is...horror and all! I mean seriously...if my girlfriends who had given birth prior to me had been honest with me in the first place, I would be living in NY City right now, sipping red wine and living the high life, just me and my hottie husband....
NONE of my girlfriends (or my own mother for that matter) told me the truth about labor & delivery. And that "myth" that the memory of the pain of labor & delivery goes away is total crap. I remember EVERY SINGLE contraction of ALL THREE deliveries. I remember every single push, every single stitch and I especially remember ALL THREE "first" bowl movements after giving birth (TMI, I know). So, being the BFF that I am, I decided that I would in fact be upfront with my girlfriend who is now seven months into pregnancy and it's WAY too late to turn around.
And so I told my work BFF about how I literally felt like I had been hit and then run over by an 18 wheeler after all three deliveries and was not able to take a shower until the last day of my hospital stay and even then my husband had to get in the shower with me and wash me. I shared with her how I kept my hospital gown on until the last day of my hospital stay because just trying to imagine taking it off was beyond what my body was capable of doing...
I shared with her about the mesh underwear to go along with the most enormous pads you’ve ever seen…as in you didn’t think anything that thick and long and wide was even manufactured and it must take 100 million years to break down in a land fill...
I also educated her on the “Peri bottle”. OMG. You will want to MARRY THIS THING!!! It is the best relief ever! Because did you know they make you PEE before you can go to your postpartum room??? And you will want to die and tell them “ARE YOU FLIPPIN' CRAZY?!?!?! I NEVER WANT ANYTHING TO COME OUT DOWN THERE AGAIN!!!” But the nurse will just roll her eyes at you and say “Up we go, missy. To the bathroom.” And as you sit there about to pee for the first time ever, you will pray “Please God let everything still be intact down there. Please God let everything still be working down there…..please God….”
But that's just my experience...there are women out there with labor & delivery stories of ordering grilled cheese sandwiches, fries, and Dr. Pepper 20 minutes after pushing their babies out. They take a shower when they get to their postpartum rooms, donning their plush, flowered robes, and freshly applied makeup faces, ready to rock and roll....
Well, except for their massacred nether regions, it isn't ready to rock or roll...it just wants ice packed in the mesh underwear!
Fun post!
ReplyDeleteI think I equated mine to pushing a bowling ball out of my nostril.
Good to see you Sunday!
Preach it sister! I think the c-section was by far easier to recover from...except the part about not being able to sit up without puking and not being able to go to the NICU until I could sit up without puking. The stitches there healed so much faster than the stitches in the other area from the first pregnancy. Way to tell it like it really is!
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