This Is Why I Just Wear Spanx...

Healthy living…it’s come up all around me lately. At the office we began a “Wellness Challenge,” three groups that are competing against one another in a weight loss competition – very similar to the “Biggest Loser” reality television show. Two weeks into the competition, I feel good about my eating habits (I’ve gone gluten free…although if I’m going to be real here, I must admit a cupcake or four) and I’ve even picked up a walking routine.


…Monday’s weigh in is quickly approaching and I really want to make my team proud, so I set my alarm this morning for 5:00 (by the way, anyone who wakes this early on a regular basis is a fool!) and with new tennis shoes, sassy workout pants and jacket, I made my way to the local YMCA!

Happy with myself that I was actually making an effort to be healthy and exercise, I unzipped my sassy pink jacket and hung it up on the coat rack (I didn’t want to get my sassy jacket sweaty). Full of new found energy I bounced over to the treadmill and placing both feet on the sides of the track, I began to push buttons…10 incline, 4.5 speed…..begin…..

….the track slowly began to move and I placed my feet in rhythm on the tread. Hurriedly unraveling my earphones that were connected to my IPod, my hands fumbled over the tangled mess and my IPod began to slip from my grasp. Catching the gadget in midair, one side of my earphones hit the track of the treadmill and was jammed….without thinking, I bent over to pull the wire free, lost my balance and began to slide backwards on the treadmill….hoping to gain balance, I lifted my right foot from the machine and placed in on the floor, only to have my left foot still dragging behind me, causing me to trip and fall flat on my rear.

Scarlet faced, I jumped up, looked around and gave that “Ha ha! I’m okay, no need to worry about me” look to the mass of people that saw the entire incident. I was totally over the treadmill…shame me one and screw you! So I sauntered over to the stationary bikes….seriously, what harm could I possibly do on a stationary bike?

Placing my rear in the seat, I adjusted the machine to fit my 5’9” frame and began to pedal. Within ten minutes I was really feeling the burn…it felt good….like fat was just melting off my body (gosh, if only that is how it worked). I decided to pick up the pace a little…I pedaled harder….my breath became deep and hard….sweat began dripping down my back and my forehead…..ahhhhhhhh….this was nice! My IPod was resting on the “shelf” of the bike and with my faster pedaling it began to shift and eventually it fell onto the floor causing my earphones to pull out of the devise.

…..without even thinking (because really, who would think this could happen?) I bent forward to pick up my IPod and SMACK!!!! …the pedal came spinning around and hit me in the face, creating a reaction in which I quickly raised my head up and hit the top of my head on the handle bar of the bike….

The lady next to me (witnessing the whole thing) gently said, “Ouch. That must have hurt!” ….as a side note, please don’t say anything to me when you have just watched me make a fool of myself and I’m in pain….it’s really irritating and makes me want to throw a wrench in the wheel of your stupid stationary bike, causing you to jolt to a sudden stop and possibly throw you off the dumb bike.

But I smiled and replied, “This is why I sleep in.” And with that, I grabbed my sassy jacket and holding my swollen, knotted head I left the building.