...because in the life of Betsy, there is no such thing as "normal!"
A "normal" Saturday for anyone else would be waking up and saying to your children...
"Be good little ones, mommy is going to run out to the mall for a few moments of 'mommy time', I'll be back in an hour."
...at least my day started out as "normal".....
All I wanted to do was to run to Victoria's Secret and purchase a new bra.
I'm tired of my "Target" bras...don't get me wrong, I adore Target...and their lingerie is perfect for our Dave Ramsey lifestyle....
....but hottie hubby is away, the kids are making me crazy and all I wanted to do was treat myself to something special...
...something that would make me feel good about myself....
...a beautiful, satin, lace-trimmed, Victoria Secret, specially fitted, bra....it sounded so "uplifting" (pun intended)
I entered Victoria's Secret...(there is nothing "secret" in that store, agreed?) and already I felt relaxed. I circled the racks of lingerie, taking my sweet time in choosing the perfect bra.
.....enter devil-child....a small boy who looked to be about four years old (old enough to know better, I think) who was running wildly in, out and under the racks, pushing bras and panties onto the floor and yelling at the top of his lungs....
I looked around for his mother...there she stood, oblivious to his actions, holding a see-through pink top with matching panties (or lack thereof) up to her body....
...I thought to myself, "sweetheart, if this is your child, I'm thinking you should steer clear from anything that might create another monster....."
The little boy grabbed a bottle of scented lotion from the glass shelf, popped the top and began squeezing the contents out onto the floor....
"Mommy! Look!"
"Just a second sweetie"...
Okay....this is NOT my problem, I thought...and I grabbed a bra in my size and walked back to the fitting room.
Closing the fitting room door, I carefully slipped off my top and hung it over the chair in the corner of the tiny space. I unhooked my "Target" bra and laid it on top of my shirt. Turning, I gently unfastened the new bra and just as I began to try it on....
....I see a small head peeping under the fitting room door....
...it was the wild child....holding tight to a half emptied lotion bottle....
"No, No!" I harshly whispered, arms crossed over my chest, new bra hanging from my waist....
Suddenly, the small boy began to wiggle his way under my fitting room door and crawled to the corner of this itsy-bitsy space....
OMGosh......
What is happening????!!!
"Go on...." I said, as if I was shooing an animal...."Go on....get!"
He sat, lotion in hand, in the corner, against the mirror, looking up at me.
"Boobs!" he yelled....
Seriously???!!! Okay, Lord...just take me now!
I grabbed at my top that was laying over the chair and began to put it on over my head, I pulled up my bra straps and I grabbed my purse and flung open the fitting room door....
.....FURIOUS, I stomped my way through the store and found the little boys mother...
"Your son is in the fitting rooms!" I snapped, continuing to walk towards the exit....
I was so angry.....BEYOND angry.....how could a mother allow her child to be so out of control??! If my kids were here they would be perfect angels...sitting sweetly against the wall, not touching anything, waiting patiently...
.......BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP.......
I had crossed the store exit and was inside the open mall.....
The alarm couldn't be any louder......it sounded like a tornado warning....
...then it hit me.....
OMGosh....I was still wearing the Victoria Secret bra.....
I turned, red faced and entered back into the store....by now a VS employee was walking towards me...
I stumbled over my words, "I'm so sorry...this isn't what it looks like....I'm not a thief.....I was flustered....there is a devil child.....look, he squeezed out your lotion!" I was pointing to the "Very Sexy" Victoria Secret lotion that made a trail in and out of the racks of lingerie....
"My Target bra is in the fitting room....that boy came into my room when I was naked....I...."
the young lady smiled at me, "it's okay....I know."
I made my way back to the fitting room and changed out of the "stolen" bra.
I was too embarrassed to not buy the bra...even though the VS bra was DEFINATLY NOT in the Dave Ramsey budget at $60!!!!
But...this will "lift" you up....
....the saleslady felt so badly for me, that she gave me a 30% discount!!!
And that, dear friends, is my "normal" day!
LMAO, mainly because the little boys wouldn't be able to find my boobs! Thanks for the laugh!
ReplyDeleteThey wouldn't be able to find mine either. Love the bra tho...very Betsy. And only you could put a picture of your bra on the world wide web for all to see.
ReplyDeleteLove that she gave you a 30% discount and understood the situation.